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An Overview of Arizona Primary Races - Part 4: Legislative Districts 11-20

Welcome back to my omnibus compendium of Arizona’s upcoming primary races in the style of my 2018 summaries. The primary is set to take place August 4th – early voting ballots should have been mailed out on or around July 8th.
Arizona’s a really interesting state (I may be a hair biased), since it not only is home to 2-3 swing House seats and a high-profile Senate race, but also tenuous majorities in both state houses that could – theoretically – neuter Ducey’s trifecta this fall. And counties have their races this year as well, so I’ve highlighted some of the fireworks ongoing in Maricopa.
And this is before factoring in the fact that our state is a COVID-19 hotspot, with an unpopular Republican Governor doing almost nothing to stop it.
If you’re interested about which district you live in, check https://azredistricting.org/districtlocato. If you want to get involved with your local Democratic party, find your legislative district on the previous link (NOT CD), and then search for your LD’s name at this link. Feel free to attend meetings, they’re a great way to get involved with candidates and like-minded individuals.
If you wish to donate to a “clean elections” candidate (mentioned in the post as “clean”), you will have to live in that candidate’s legislative district to give qualifying $5 contributions (check here if anyone needs it in your area), but they are allowed to accept a limited amount of “seed money” from people outside of the district. The three CorpComm candidates can take $5’s statewide.
If you do not want to vote at the polls, you will need to request an early ballot using the website of your county’s recorder prior to July 4th. Example links for Maricopa, Pima, and Pinal. Others available if needed.
Race ratings for listed primaries will be listed as Safe/Likely/Leans/Tilt/Tossup (alternatively Solid instead of Safe if my mind blanks) and are not indicative of my own preference for that seat. I’ll denote my personal primary preferences at the end of this series, as well as the best Republican ticket for the Dems if someone here really really wants to pull a GOP ballot in the primary. I do not advise it, but since I can't stop ya, you'll get my best suggestions.
Write-in candidates have yet to file, which could give us an outside chance at getting some Libertarians on the ballot (the Greens have lost their ballot access).
If you have any questions about voting in the primary, which races are the most contested, and how to get involved with other Democrats in Arizona, feel free to PM me.
All fundraising numbers here are as of 7/18/2020 (“Q2”).
District stats are listed for the race that involved the top Democratic vote-getter in the past two midterm cycles plus the last two presidential races, taken from Daily Kos’s legislative sheet – Clinton’16, Obama’12, Sinema’18, and Garcia’14 (not his 2018 run).
Part 1: Statewide and Congressional Races
Part 2: Maricopa County Races
Update 1: Congressional and County Rating Updates
Part 3: Legislative Districts 1-10
ALL OPINIONS ARE MY OWN SOLELY IN MY CAPACITY AS A VOTER IN ARIZONA, AND NOT REPRESENTATIVE OF ANY ORGANIZATIONS I WORK/ED FOR OR AM/WAS A MEMBER OF. THIS POST IS IN NO WAY ENDORSED BY THE ARIZONA DEMOCRATIC PARTY OR ANY SUB-ORGANIZATION THEREOF, OR ANY FILED CANDIDATE.
Alright, let’s get cracking, y’all. I’m going to try to save time and characters on the safer seats when I can, although of course I’ll expound on any fun stuff that comes up.
Legislative District 11 (McSally+9.93, Trump+13.9, Douglas+16.7, Romney+19.3)
The first district in this writeup installment is LD11, a district very close geographically and politically to LD8. Unlike LD8, however, LD11 has slowly been trending towards Democrats, instead of away from them. Encompassing the southern half of Pinal (including a large chunk of Casa Grande) and bits of Pima, LD11 could swing under the right conditions, but is probably a safe seat this year. That’s disappointing, since the incumbents in the district are pretty darn nasty.
Incumbent Senator Venden “Vince” Leach ($98K COH), a sort-of Great Value Mitch McConnell, loves to spend his time filing SB1487 complaints against various liberal towns in Arizona – basically, suing cities over their attempts to go above and beyond state law when it comes to certain issues. Leach leads the SB1487 leaderboard with 4 SB1487 suits, most recently targeting Pima County over COVID-19 safety regulations that were slightly stricter than state law. Joining the suit were his House counterparts, COVID-19 conspiracy-monger Bret Roberts ($22.4K COH) and actual goddamn Oathkeeper and Charlottesville truther Mark Finchem ($27K COH).
Facing Finchem and Roberts is the Democratic House nominee for LD11, Dr. Felipe Perez ($24.2K COH). Perez has made few waves online and I haven’t seen him even in the same tier of candidates as Girard in LD8, so he’s probably not going to supercharge this district into Dem. territory. But given the spike in public approval for the healthcare industry due to COVID, he may get lucky. On the Senate side, Leach’s opponent will be one of retired public administrator Linda Patterson ($4.7K COH, Clean) and Marine drill instructor Joanna Mendoza ($14.5K COH). Anything could happen between now and August, but Mendoza currently has a significant organizational, political (endorsements) and fiscal advantage over Patterson, and will probably be the nominee come August.
A well-run race could feasibly knock out Finchem or Roberts, but I’ve yet to see that happen. Still, it’s far out enough that I’m not going to slam the door shut on a Perez win just yet.
hunter15991 Rating: GOP primary unopposed, Safe Mendoza, Perez unopposed, Safe Leach, Safe Roberts, Likely Finchem general
Legislative District 12 (McSally+17.19, Trump+24.5, Douglas+17.84, Romney+33.35)
Really not going to focus much on this district to save space, as it’s a snoozefest. House Majority Leader Warren Petersen ($84.8K COH) is running for Senate to replace outgoing Sen. Eddie Farnsworth. Petersen faces Haitian DREAMer. former teacher, and 2018 LD-12 House nominee Lynsey Robinson ($1.4K COH). Robinson’s a great person, but lost her House race against Petersen by the 1v1 equivalent of 20 points, and shows no sign of knocking him off this time around.
Petersen’s runningmates, Rep. Travis Grantham ($39K COH) and Queen Creek Councilman Jake Hoffman ($107.7K COH) are unopposed in both the primary and general.
hunter15991 Rating: Primaries all unopposed, Safe Petersen general, GOP House unopposed
Legislative District 13 (McSally+21.59, Trump+26.96, Douglas+26.22, Romney+31.62)
Moving on to another Safe GOP district with not much activity – LD13! Stretching from the whiter Yuma neighborhoods all the way to Phoenix exurbs in Maricopa County (and the mirror image of LD4 to its south), LD13 routinely sends Republican slates to the legislature. This year, incumbents Sen. Sine Kerr ($58.5K COH), Rep. Tim Dunn ($60.4K COH), and Rep. Joanne Osborne ($15K COH) are all fighting to hold their seats.
Kerr is unopposed in both the primary and general, while Dunn and Osborne are in the opposite situation – they’ve got two elections between now and inauguration day. Democratic paralegal Mariana Sandoval ($3.1K COH, Clean) will put up little resistance for the GOP in the general, but the entrance of former Senator and former Speaker Pro Tem Steve Montenegro ($27.8K COH) could really shake up the LD13 House primary. Montenegro, a Salvadoran-American legislator who resigned his Senate seat to run for the CD-8 special election primary (he placed 3rd, ultimately losing to then-Sen. Debbie Lesko), was a rising star in the AZ-GOP before his resignation and contemporaneous sexting scandal. This Senate run could be a good way for him to get his foot back in the door, and since his election would single-handedly double the amount of non-white Republicans in the legislator, I would figure that some Arizona Republicans are excited that Montenegro is throwing his hat back into the ring.
I haven’t seen much about this primary online, but there’s vague general on GOP pages dinging Montenegro for his ties to a 2016 National Popular Vote bill in the legislature, which is a big purity sticking point for the further-right members of the Arizona GOP. That being said, the chatter is vague at best, and Montenegro has enough conservative cred (with endorsements from people like Joe Arpaio and former Rep. Trent Franks back during his special election run) that he will primarily face issues over the sexting scandal.
I’ll give Osborne and Dunn a slight advantage over their incumbency, financial well-being, and the issues in Montenegro’s closet, but this is a really tight race and Montenegro could very well end up back in the legislature this time next year.
hunter15991 Rating: Dem. unopposed, Kerr unopposed, Tilt Osborne, Tilt Dunn, All Safe GOP general
Legislative District 14 (McSally+23.83, Trump+26.24, Douglas+22.88, Romney+26.84)
This is yet another district where Democrats stand no real chance in competing this year, and haven’t in quite some time. Situated in SE Arizona, LD14 once incorporated some ancestrally Democratic mining towns in Greenlee and Graham County, but they’ve grown red enough in the past couple of decades that this district is now held by three GOP legislators.
Former House Speaker and current Sen. David Gowan ($60.9K COH) (who was previously in the news for trying to use a state vehicle to assist in a failed Congressional campaign) faces realtor Bob Karp ($12.9K COH, Clean) in the general, while House incumbents Rep. Gail “Tax porn to build the wall” Griffin ($50.5K COH) and Rep. Becky Nutt ($47.4K COH) face retired union activist Ronnie Maestas-Condos ($686 COH, Clean) and teacher Kim Beach-Moschetti ($13K COH, Clean). All 3 races will probably be easy GOP wins.
hunter15991 Rating: Candidates unopposed in primaries, All Safe GOP general
Legislative District 15 (McSally+8.01, Trump+16.61, Douglas+11.06, Romney+25.44)
LD15, up in Northern Scottsdale and Phoenix, is one of the final frontiers of suburban expansion for Arizona Democrats, along with the Mormon suburbs of the far East Valley (LD12, 16, and 25). A very wealthy area, LD15 has routinely been a GOP stronghold – but their hold on the area has been dissipating steadily rapidly in the Trump era. In 2018, two Dem. House candidates both managed to outperform the “single-shot” performance of a 2016 candidate, and Kristin Dybvig-Pawelko ($48.6K COH, hereafter “KDP”) improved on the district’s 2016 State Senate margin by several points despite facing a significantly more difficult opponent than the 2016 Democrat.
KDP is running again this year, as a single-shot candidate for the State House. Her opponents have yet to be set in stone, as both GOP Representatives are vacating their seats to run for higher office, and there are three GOP candidates in the August primary vying for two nominations. Veteran Steve Kaiser ($13.6K COH) and State House policy adviser Justin Wilmeth ($16K COH, $5.2K self-funded) are the nominal establishment picks for both seats, and have been endorsed by a whole host of GOP legislators. However, they face stiff competition from businessman Jarret Hamstreet ($23.2K COH, $10K self-funded), who boasts endorsements from GOP power-players like the local Chamber of Commerce and the NRA, as well as tacit support from the incumbent Senator in the district Heather Carter ($101.2K COH) (somewhat of an Arizona Lisa Murkowski). I’ve been able to find very little chatter on the race, but with Hamstreet’s significant fundraising advantage I definitely think he secures one of the two nominations this November. While the district is still quite red, KDP is no spring chicken, and facing Kasier, Hamstreet, or Wilmeth will be a lot easier than her run against Carter in 2018.
If I’m going to be honest, it is the GOP Senate primary that is almost as important as the House general election. Heather Carter has gotten on the bad side of quite a few conservative legislators during her tenure in the Senate, holding up GOP budgets with her partner in crime Paul Boyer in 2019 over a stalled child sexual assault statute of limitations bill and this year over an amendment to give additional funding to firefighters for PPE and to students for tuition support.
That amendment failed 15-15 thanks to one Kate Brophy McGee - more on her later.
Carter’s actual attempts at moderation (as opposed to McGee’s performative bullshit) has inspired current State Rep. Nancy Barto ($9.9K COH) to challenge her for the Senate. Barto has the support of both Kaiser and Wilmeth (as well as most of the GOP establishment) but has been routinely lagging behind Carter in fundraising (both in terms of current COH and overall amount raised). Carter has been bringing in more “moderate” and pro-public education GOP volunteers from all over Phoenix and is sure to put up a fight in August. As it stands, I think she narrowly pulls it off. There is no Democratic Senate opponent in the general, so winning the primary automatically wins the seat.
If you’ve got GOP friends in AZ who just can’t bare phonebanking for Democratic candidates but complain about the state of the Republican party, send them her way.
Carter has beliefs. Barto has none.
Slate totals:
  • CarteHamstreet: $124.4K
  • KDP: $48.6K
  • Barto coalition (KaiseWilmeth/Barto): $40.5K
hunter15991 Rating: Dem. unopposed, Tilt Carter, Lean Hamstreet, Tilt Kaiser, GOP Sen. unopposed in general, Likely Hamstreet, 2nd GOP unopposed
Legislative District 16 (McSally+17.58, Trump+28.37, Douglas+17, Romney+28.11)
LD16, out on the border between Pinal and Maricopa County, is probably the reddest district in Arizona that could still be relatively considered “suburban”. The only Democratic candidate is write-in House candidate Rev. Helen Hunter ($783 COH), and while her background is stellar (incl. past work with the NAACP, Mesa PD’s Use of Force Committee, and other community involvement), there isn’t even a guarantee she’ll make it onto the November ballot.
Meanwhile, Rep. Kelly Townsend ($15.5K COH) has tired of the State House (just like she tired of her furry fursona, and is running unopposed for State Senate.
The real drama, therefore, is in the GOP State House primary to win Townsend’s old seat. Incumbent Rep. John Fillmore ($12.9K COH) is running for another term, and seems set to win one of the two nominations. Townsend’s former seat is contested by respiratory therapist Liza Godzich ($14.6K COH) (who wins the “most moderate” title by default by virtue of taking COVID kinda seriously), CorpComm policy advisor Jacqueline Parker ($16.4K COH), and school choice activist/general lunatic Forest Moriarty ($17.7K COH).
Moriarty has the valuable Townsend endorsement, but has not been able to consolidate support easily elsewhere – Parker’s CorpComm ties let her bring quite a few assets of her own to bear, as well as endorsements from Congressman Andy Biggs and the NRA.
This election will be a test of Townsend’s downballot coattails, as well as those of the school choice movement in AZ parlaying any support they may have into legislative results. Success for Moriarty here could go as far as inspiring Townsend to run for Governor. We’ll see if it comes to that.
hunter15991 Rating: No Dem. filed (pending write-in), Townsend unopposed, Lean Fillmore, Tossup ParkeMoriarty, GOP unopposed in general
Legislative District 17 (Sinema+3.53, Trump+4.09, Douglas+3.12, Romney+14.16)
One of the reasons I significantly delayed writing these writeups was because I was dreading writing about LD17. Not to doxx myself completely, but in 2018 I had far too many negative encounters with the incumbent Democratic Representative, Jennifer Pawlik ($101.3K COH) that made me routinely question my support of her. I’m still trying to heal the wounds in multiple relationships I have with friends that were caused by Pawlik’s actions.
I deeply regret ever lifting a finger to help her when I had opportunities in other districts. But because her actions never got physical, because the stakes are so high this year, and because too much unsubstantiated negative talk about a candidate can get a post deleted - I don’t wish to publicly expound on her actions (nor put words in the mouth of other people who interacted with her). Feel free to PM if interested.
Pawlik as a candidate is a grab-bag. On paper she’d be a strong option for a suburban district – a teacher and education funding activist with a prior win during the 2018 wave. However, behind the scenes she is quite a poor campaigner in ways that directly impact Democratic candidates’ odds and presences in the district, including her own - which makes me more apprehensive of her odds of re-election than her fellow Jennifer in HD18 (Rep. Jennifer Jermaine), who’s quite similar to Pawlik on the whole.
Pawlik’s Senate runningmate this year is local businessman and first-generation American Ajlan “AJ” Kurdoglu ($51.5K COH). AJ’s a good guy and more serious of a campaigner than Pawlik, and is on well enough terms with her that no inter-candidate drama will probably happen this fall (which would be a welcome change for the district). He’s been slightly outpacing her in fundraising and seems to be hitting the ground running.
The Republican incumbents in this district are Sen. JD Mesnard ($102.6K COH), who moonlights as legal counsel for an organization categorized as a hate group by the SPLC, and Jeff Wenninger ($117.8K COH), a backbench Bitcoin bro. Wenninger and Mesnard have both been in their seats for a while, and this cycle were backing Chandler Vice Mayor (and JD Mesnard’s mom) Nora Ellen for the other State House seat – Ellen lost to Pawlik in 2018.
But in a stroke of luck for Pawlik, Ellen failed to qualify for the ballot this year. However, in a similar stroke of luck for the GOP Liz Harris ($27.3K COH, $21.3K self-funded) - a local realtor (like Ellen) - did qualify. I’ve yet to discern just how close she is with Mesnard and Wenninger, and how much cash she is willing to dump into this race, but in terms of how random non-GOP establishment candidates the LD17 Republicans could have done far worse than Harris.
All the pieces in this district would point to a shift even further left than it was in 2018, and had I not known what I know about Pawlik this would be a Tilt D House/Tossup Senate. But I don’t know if she’s changed since 2018 - and if she hasn’t, there is no guarantee that she won’t snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.
hunter15991 Rating: Primaries uncontested, Tilt Mesnard, Tossup House (Pawlik/Harris), Safe Wenninger
Legislative District 18 (Sinema+18.58, Clinton+10.39, Garcia+12.5, Romney+1.93)
Like LD10 in the previous part of my writeup, the situation in LD18 is another blast of the proverbial Gjallarhorn for the AZ-GOP’s suburban chances. Once a very competitive district (fully red as recently as 2016), LD18 is now held by 3 Democrats – Sen. Sean Bowie ($106.3K COH), Rep. Jennifer Jermaine ($65.7K COH), and Rep. Mitzi Epstein ($60.8K COH). Bowie and Epstein have carved rather moderate paths in their respective houses having been elected back when this district was more competitive, while Jermaine’s tacked a bit more to the left, and has been a prominent voice for increasing education funding (prior to running for the State House she was a public school funding activist and IIRC Moms Demand Action member) and for missing indigenous women (Jermaine is part indigenous herself).
The GOP’s troubles in this district started around the filing deadline, when one of their candidates, Alyssa Shearer, withdrew from the primary. Super anti-abortion nut Don Hawker ($619 COH) filed as a write-in candidate to replace her, but it’s uncertain if he’ll qualify for the general election. Their other House candidate, Bob Robson ($11K COH) is on paper a solid candidate (being a former Speaker Pro Tem of the state house), but lost by the equivalent of 6% to Epstein in 2016 and by 19% when he ran for Kyrene Justice of the Peace (a district that roughly matches the boundaries of LD18. Robson’s an old warhorse) - going 0 for 2 since 2014. It’s a sign of the times that he and discount Scott Roeder are the two potential House candidates for the GOP in this district.
In the Senate, the GOP doesn’t fare much better. Real estate agent Suzanne Sharer ($4.2K COH) is trying to run a semblance of a decent race against Sen. Bowie, but keeps using her campaign Twitter (@blondeandsmart – I promise you that’s a real handle) to retweet QAnon shit. Sharer is going nowhere in November. That’s if she makes it to November, given her past retweets advocating for people to drink bleach to cure COVID.
hunter15991 Rating: Primaries uncontested, All Safe Dem. general
Legislative District 19 (Sinema+44.97, Clinton+40.25, Garcia+32.38, Obama+34.3)
LD19 is a safe Democratic district in the West Valley, where all the drama is happening in the primary. Rep. Lorenzo Sierra ($9.3K COH) and Rep. Diego Espinoza ($25.2K COH) are both running for re-election, defending their seats against challenger Leezah Sun ($5.1K COH), a local activist. Sierra and Espinoza haven’t been particularly conservative in their voting records in the legislator, but have taken some flack from the more progressive wing of the party lately for outside corporate expenditures in this primary. I’m honestly unsure why these PACs are weighing in given that Sun isn’t running all that good of a campaign, but I guess better spend it here than in tighter primaries. Assistant State Minority Leader Lupe Contreras ($7.2K COH) is unopposed in his primary.
In the general, there’s one GOP candidate for both House and Senate, but both are write-ins and could possibly not qualify for the ballot. For now, Democrats are unopposed in this district in the general.
hunter15991 Contreras uncontested, Safe Sierra, Safe Espinoza, Uncontested Dem. general
Legislative District 20 (Sinema+3.7, Trump+8.01, Douglas+0.04, Romney+12.87)
LD20 is another suburban district where Democrats could see sizable gains this fall. Won by Sinema and Maricopa County Recorder Adrian Fontes, and almost snagged by David Garcia during the 2014 Superintendent race, LD20 has been on the Arizona Democratic Party’s mind for a few cycles now. Their candidates this year are strong – 2018 Senate nominee Doug Ervin ($94.6K COH) has filed for a rematch after losing by 4 in 2018 (where an independent ex-GOP candidate took 7% - Ervin claims Quelland actually hurt him more than district Republicans), and retired teacher Judy Schweibert ($158.2K COH) is running for House. Both are running bang-up campaigns and seem set to make November a problem for local Republicans, and Ervin has eschewed the public funding he took last time in order to be able to fundraise better for the slugfest ahead.
The local GOP, however, isn’t taking this lying down. Representatives Shawnna Bolick ($161.8K COH) - who was almost bumped off the ballot for using a PO Box as her filing address - and Anthony Kern ($73.4K COH) - an ex-cop on the Brady “untrustworthy cop” list - have been building their warchests in preparation for this cycle after narrowly hanging on in 2018 (despite both Democrats in that race running with public funding). While Bolick has typically stayed out of especially heinous controversy on social media (despite once posting that all masks come from Wuhan and are thus contaminated with COVID), Kern’s time on the force seems to have stuck with him, and his Twitter feed is full of a lot of pro-cop posts and whatnot. With Schweibert running as a single-shot candidate this year I can see Kern’s tendency of accidentally discharging his foot into his mouth finally coming back to bite him.
On the Senate side the past election results are slightly more promising than the House, but the opponent is tougher as well. Sen. Paul Boyer ($50.5K COH) is probably the closest there is to a living John McCain in the Arizona Legislature (not to deify him too much – he’s still conservative), having blocked two GOP budgets in the past two years along with Sen. Heather Carter (see LD15). In 2019 this was over a child sexual assault reform bill (extending the statute of limitations), and in 2020 this was over a lack of funding to firefighters and university students in the emergency “skinny” COVID budget the legislature passed in the spring. His attempts at moderation are visible outside of that: Boyer’s abysmal Q2 fundraising – per his own words – came from not fundraising at all during the 5 month long legislative session despite campaign finance rules only banning lobbyist contributions during the session (and I guess that’s commendable self-policing), and on his website he stops just short of calling for abortion to be banned, which makes him Margaret fucking Sanger among the current AZ-GOP.
That’s not to say that people shouldn’t support Ervin with all it takes – hell, if anything he’ll need more help to oust Boyer. Ultimately I think Ervin holds a narrow lead in this race with the absence of Quelland and with far better fundraising than what the LD20 slate had last year, but the election is still quite far away. If I had to pick one Democrat to win in this district, it’d be Schweibert.
hunter15991 Rating: Primaries uncontested, Tilt Ervin, Tilt Schweibert, 2nd House uncontested
submitted by hunter15991 to VoteDEM [link] [comments]

Fortnight Tech Roundup & Discourse - IRNSS NavIC

Fortnight Tech Roundup & Discourse - IRNSS NavIC

Welcome to this week's tech round up and discourse post.

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EBay, Stripe and Mastercard drop out of Facebook’s Libra Association techcrunch
Club Factory raises $100M to expand its lifestyle e-commerce platform in India economictimes
Donald Trump joins Amazon's video game streaming platform Twitch cnn
Bill McDermott steps down as SAP’s CEO wsj
Elon Musk says that NASA is free to share all SpaceX IP with ‘anyone it wants’ gizmodo
NASA’s new Moon-bound spacesuit is safer, smarter and much more comfortable nasa.gov
Steam will soon let you play local-only multiplayer games with far off friends pcgamer
Dyson kills its electric car project and turns to solid-state batteries guardian
Amazon Music arrives on Apple TV pocket-lint
Google takes AMP to the OpenJS Foundation openjsf
Russia’s Yandex introduces an Echo Dot-style smart speaker techcrunch
Cisco hit by an internal network outage cbronline
Xage now supports hierarchical blockchains for complex implementations globenewswire
NASCAR could debut hybrids as early as 2022 thedrive
Apple pulls HKmap from App Store, the day after Chinese state media criticized its ‘unwise and reckless decision’ to approve it cnbc
Virgin Orbit plans to send cubesats to Mars as early as 2022 cnet
Call of Duty is the biggest mobile game launch ever, with 100 million downloads independent
Pinterest launches a new ‘Lite’ app for emerging markets androidpolice
Microsoft’s Your Phone app can now route calls from your Android phone to your PC blog.windows
European risk report flags 5G security challenges techcrunch
Toyota, GM, Nvidia, Bosch, Arm and others form new autonomous driving tech consortium theiet
China attacks Apple for allowing Hong Kong crowdsourced police activity app nyt
AMD’s Radeon RX 5500 is its new entry-level competitor to Nvidia’s GTX 1650 pcworld
Amazon, Walmart confront India’s slowing economy as holiday season growth stalls techcrunch
Essential reveals Project Gem smartphone with very long, unusual design engadget
Twitter admits it used two-factor phone numbers and emails for serving targeted ads help.twitter
Arm brings custom instructions to its embedded CPUs developer.arm
Sony’s next console is the PlayStation 5, arriving holidays 2020 theverge
Chinese firms Tencent, Vivo and CCTV suspend ties with the NBA over Hong Kong tweet edition.cnn
Eight Chinese tech firms placed on US Entity List for their role in human rights violations against Muslim minority groups techcrunch
Mars Curiosity Rover finds evidence of an ancient oasis on Mars earthsky
Instagram is killing its creepy stalking feature, the Following tab androidpolice
Ex-Tinder CEO files lawsuit saying sexual assault allegations against him are defamation theverge
Fire TV might not get Disney+ as Amazon and Disney clash over ads variety
Amazon introduces a Kindle for kids indiatoday
Apple’s MacOS Catalina is now available 9to5mac
Spotify gains Siri support on iOS 13, arrives on Apple TV forbes
Disney is reportedly banning Netflix ads across its entertainment TV networks theverge
Red Dead Redemption 2 is coming to PC in November rockpapershotgun
NASA shares 3D Moon data for CG artists and creators space
PayPal is the first company to drop out of the Facebook-led Libra Association economictimes
Iranian hackers targeted US 2020 campaign, says Microsoft bbc
Apple CEO Tim Cook slams Facebook’s Libra cryptocurrency as a power grab forbes
Google-backed Dunzo raises $45M to expand its hyperlocal delivery startup in India fortuneindia
NASA’s first all-electric experimental X-plane is ready for testing nasa.gov
Facebook is being leaned on by US, UK, Australia to ditch its end-to-end encryption expansion plan macrumorsInstagram launches Threads, a Close Friends chat app with auto-status wired
India’s Fyle bags $4.5M to expand its expense management platform in the US, other international markets techcrunch
Uber launches a shift-work finder app, Uber Works, starting in Chicago tnw
Redesigned Google Shopping goes live, with price tracking, Google Lens for outfits and more pcmag
Zuckerberg Plans to Sue if Elizabeth Warren Tries to Break Up Facebook gizmodo
Samsung pulls the plug on Chinese smartphone production techcrunch
Microsoft showcases an Android Surface 'phone' and dual-screen Windows Variant cnet
Microsoft’s latest Surface Laptop arrives in 13- and 15-inch models theverge
India’s NoBroker raises $50M to help people buy and rent without real estate brokers business-standard
Cybersecurity giant Comodo can’t even keep its own website secure forums.comodo
NASA awards $43.2M to Blue Origin, SpaceX and others for tech to take us to the Moon and Mars techcrunch
NASA launches a new planet-hunting telescope using a giant balloon phys.org
UPS gets FAA approval to operate an entire drone delivery airline nyt
Streamlit launches open-source machine learning application development framework techcrunch
WhatsApp tests self-destructing messages theverge
Europe’s top court says active consent is needed for tracking cookies techcrunch
SpaceX details Starship and Super Heavy in new website techcrunch
Hyundai is getting into the flying car business newatlas
Microsoft makes Windows Virtual Desktop generally available globally zdnet
Google's Project Jacquard is available on new Levi's jackets youtube
PayPal to enter China through GoPay acquisition venturebeat

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The Indian Regional Navigation Satellite System (IRNSS) recently become fully-operational and has been provided with the operational name of NavIC (Navigation with Indian Constellation). Developed by the Indian Space Research Organization (ISRO) with the objective of offering positioning, navigation and timing (PNT) to the users on a variety of platforms with a 24 hour x 7 day service availability under all weather conditions - in its service area with a position accuracy of < 20 m throughout India and within the region of coverage extending about 1500 km beyond. nih.gov
Having an autonomous regional satellite navigation system of one’s own offers strategic autonomy in military operations. The GPS that we have known and used all along is the satellite-based radio navigation system owned by the US government and operated by the American Air Force. During the Kargil War 20 years ago, the US refused to provide India critical information on the movement and precise location of Paki enemy troops. toi A need for an indigenous satellite navigation was felt earlier, but Kargil experience made the nation realize it's inevitability. Geopolitical needs teaches us that some countries can deny us the service in times of conflict, a way of arm twisting.
With an accuracy of <10 m on Restricted and Encrypted Service (RES) while an accuracy of <20 m on Standard Positioning Service (SPS), IRNSS will offer 2 level of services for very differing purposes. isro.gov.in \PDF]) Almost all Military and Reconnaissance applications will utilize RES while SPS will be available for civilian uses. unvienna \PDF])

The IRNSS space segment architecture consists of 3 satellites in GEO (Geostationary Orbit) at 32.5°, 83° and 131.5° East while 4 satellites in geosynchronous orbit placed at inclination of 29° with longitude crossing at 55° and 111.75° East forming an analemma. isac.gov.in Out of the 4 GSO satellites, the first sat IRNSS-1A failed in orbit due to atmoic clock malfunction. On August 31, 2017, sat IRNSS-1H was meant to replace defunct IRNSS-1A, failed to deploy due to malfunction in payload fairing mechanism. Though failures are not uncommon in space missions of even developed nations, India is not in a position where it can afford even relatively minor glitches neither financially nor in terms of reaching the higher goals it has set for itself. firstpost

IRNSS Analemma

Unlike GPS which is dependent only on L-band, NAVIC has dual frequency (S and L bands). When low frequency signal travels through atmosphere, its velocity changes due to atmospheric disturbances. US banks on atmospheric model to assess frequency error and it has to update this model from time to time to assess the exact error. In India's case, the actual delay is assessed by measuring the difference in delay of dual frequency (S and L bands). Therefore, NavIC is not dependent on any model to find the frequency error and is more accurate than GPS. toi
Studies have also shown marked improvement in GDoP (Geometric dilution of precision) values when IRNSS is used in conjunction with GPS constellation for position fix in primary coverage region of IRNSS. Hence IRNSS can be augmented with GPS to improve position accuracy in the given region. ias.ac.in

The IRNSS is being developed parallel to the GAGAN (GPS Aided GEO Augmented Satellite Navigation) program that in essence use GPS signals for navigation but after making them much more reliable for safety critical applications like in civil aviation., the ISRO SBAS (Satellite Based Augmentation System) version of an overlay system for GNSS signal corrections. earth.esa.int As of 2013, the statutory filing for frequency spectrum of Global Indian Navigational System (GINS) satellite orbits in international space, has been completed. hindubusinessline GINS is supposed to have a constellation of 24 satellites, positioned 24,000 km (14,913 mi) above Earth. wikipedia)

On Sep 24, 2019 Global mobile telephony standards body, 3GPP, gave its approval to NaVIC (Proposed jointly by Reliance Jio and ISRO). 3gpp.org \XLSX]) The approval has been given for the system’s use in Rel-16 LTE and Rel-17 5G NR specifications, paving the way for wider commercial adoption of NaVIC, allowing it to be integrated with 4G, 5G and internet of things (IoT). 3gpp.org \ZIP]) Thus, electronics companies can start designing and building integrated circuits and mass manufacture other products uniquely created to be compatible with NavIC. From what all scant information I was able to gather it seems Broadcom was first to introduce BCM47756 3gpp.org \ZIP]) chipset integrated with NavIC and Xiaomi Mi8 was the first phone to have the capabilities. insidegnss Will the introduction of indigenous satnav be another step closer towards being a global power? Comments open.
PS: Here's an interesting presentation prepared by Space Application Center that goes a little deep inside Navigation with Indian Constellation http://www.unoosa.org/documents/pdf/icg/2018/icg13/05.pdf

https://preview.redd.it/rq1t1odrjis31.png?width=728&format=png&auto=webp&s=9f2f0b2378fd62736d103e3076796c4506991c60

And in the last, here's 19th-Century Vision of the Year 2000 by Jean-Marc Côté and other artists issued in France in 1899, 1900, 1901 and 1910. Originally in the form of paper cards enclosed in cigarette/cigar boxes and, later, as postcards, the images depicted the world as it was imagined to be like in the then distant year of 2000.
https://preview.redd.it/wbvg455vjis31.jpg?width=800&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1ea5d13ddcf69a504c6d85d6aee7c22adedd6923
https://preview.redd.it/76ng555vjis31.jpg?width=800&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0d40d7ae8bdc82cd365094bf5e3bc31b1ea4947b
https://preview.redd.it/t406z35vjis31.jpg?width=800&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d73baf81b5ea59d2d7ac90ca1e0012a3dc819f66
https://preview.redd.it/avvu855vjis31.jpg?width=800&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=bd6ecdfb220d905e42bb58d2cb70ab414e106533
https://preview.redd.it/oyvr745vjis31.jpg?width=800&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fd2df679603e6930592c2f8f9597377405a363a1
https://preview.redd.it/q0vbh55vjis31.jpg?width=800&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ab307f3bc184a76f69e5aece06cdd0562ef0a3f7
https://preview.redd.it/ct8e855vjis31.jpg?width=800&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=de64792a76ccc5896a46db0472cfbeb1a952bbb8
https://preview.redd.it/2e99m45vjis31.jpg?width=800&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d69dd41cfb299104f325beaa93d1813c24137b69
https://preview.redd.it/77fey45vjis31.jpg?width=800&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e15c3f05c6c414f5c03b1720b7a1acc4c6e72e77
https://preview.redd.it/2m6eva5vjis31.jpg?width=800&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c72c59d1bea9dba4af8ea022fda9bab3bc53e59f
https://preview.redd.it/i9n66b5vjis31.jpg?width=800&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=661517f876c117b8403d4f262be8329f134766ea
https://preview.redd.it/z6obo19vjis31.jpg?width=800&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8ab8c4f6f8dba66248866400d1e31d978f585ee4
https://preview.redd.it/hgzq795vjis31.jpg?width=800&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=352d60e89923bad1673f90d824efbfb0a90670b0
https://preview.redd.it/5zndz35vjis31.jpg?width=800&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=88b945b5f37297fd32d6664db7c7c8da4b2f95f7
https://preview.redd.it/4ba96y8vjis31.jpg?width=800&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b7bca19a3427f5e7a2532edc33dd849fbef69ce8

Source: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Category:France_in_XXI_Century_(fiction))
submitted by chummekiraat to IndiaSpeaks [link] [comments]

🍍 $4mil will fund MDMA trials for PTSD; marked 'Breakthrough Therapy' by FDA. Pineapple Fund is matching MAPS donations 1:1. Reddit, let's make history by crowdfunding an incredible treatment for PTSD, in bitcoin!

Hi /Bitcoin!
You might've heard of PTSD. It's a debilitating illness usually affecting people who are already victims, like sexual assault survivors who still suffer and are tormented every day since. Not only do they experience traumatic flashbacks, even sleep is no relief thanks to serious nightmares. It is life threatening.
Existing treatment for PTSD aren't great. Therapy can be helpful, but they're often not enough, especially for severe PTSD. There are only two drugs approved by the FDA: SSRIs like Zoloft and Paxil. Those drugs must be taken continuously, and can cause serious side effects. Mania, seizures, inability to orgasm, and suicide are known side effects.
In 1986, a nonprofit named MAPS was started to develop legal contexts for beneficial uses of psychedelics and marijuana. 31 years later, MAPS has found its most promising candidate yet: MDMA-assisted psychotherapy as a treatment for PTSD.

The numbers: 68% (MDMA) versus 25% (placebo)

They've already conducted Phase 2 studies in the US, Canada, Israel, and Switzerland. After a comprehensive therapeutic process involving preparatory sessions, MDMA-assisted therapy sessions, and non-drug therapy sessions, 61% no longer met the criteria for PTSD. This improved to 68% after a year. Of those who met the criteria, many experienced significant reductions in symptoms. This is compared to only 25% for the placebo group, who received all the therapy, but with a sugar pill instead of MDMA.
For most people, the benefits are lasting. MAPS conducted one long-term outcome study, evaluating patients ~3.5 years after the last MDMA-assisted sessions. Average benefits even increased slightly over time.
"The MDMA sessions were the first time I'd ever felt love for myself. It was the first time I'd ever felt happy. I hugged my therapist and said 'Thank you.'"
After MAPS' studies, the FDA granted 'Breakthrough Therapy Designation' to MDMA-assisted psychotherapy.
Now they need to conduct Phase 3 trials, which are far costlier due to requirements for an increased sample size, groups, etc, even through the stage with highest failure rates (Phase 2) is already over. MAPS has achieved the extra-ordinary journey of bringing MDMA-assisted psychotherapy all the way to Phase 3; a drug that pharmas will never touch because it will disrupt their recurring revenue streams of SSRIs.

Phase 3

Phase 3 will cost about $25 million. They've raised $17 million already ($1 mil from PF included), and need another $8 million to get to the finish line.
I have never donated to MAPS (or even heard of them) before starting the Pineapple Fund. PF donated $1 million, and that inspired another anonymous donator to give another $1 million in bitcoin. To whoever you are, you're amazing, and you are inspiring. <3
I believe we, the cryptocurrency community, can fully fund Phase 3 trials. Prescription MDMA could be a gift to this world from the bitcoin community.
If the trial succeeds, it could be approved as early as 2021. MAPS has created a public benefit corporation, fully owned by the non-profit, that would sell MDMA post-approval. This is a scalable and financially sustainable structure that could kickstart a renaissance in research into the therapeutic applications of many different psychedelics.
Pineapple Fund will double the value of every donation to MAPS from today until March 10th, up to $4 million.
You can donate with bitcoin. It's like donating bitcoin for $30,000 each!
http://www.maps.org/donate-redirect/cryptocurrency
You can also donate with legacy payment systems like credit cards or PayPal, and PF will also match that donation.
Your donations are tax deductible (if you're a US taxpayer), and you don't even have to pay capital gains tax. Ask for a receipt if so.
Let's make MDMA medicine a reality, and give the gift of an enjoyable life to those suffering from PTSD. If you believe that psychedelic drugs can have incredible therapeutic potential, then I believe this is one of the highest impact projects today.
And let's do it with cryptocurrency :)
submitted by PineappleFund to Bitcoin [link] [comments]

[Sunday, 09. February]

World News

Experts say Trump firing of 3 officials including Sondland and Vindman is a ‘criminal’ offense
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Doctor who exposed Sars cover-up under house arrest in China, family confirms
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A group of Republican senators including Susan Collins tried and failed to stop Trump from firing Gordon Sondland
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All news, US and international.

Texas teen shot dead for defending classmate from bully days earlier, police say
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A high school student is growing out his hair for his sick sister. When administrators asked him to cut it, he withdrew from school
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Author Jordan Peterson is recovering from severe tranquiliser addiction in Russia
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Reddit Science

Scientis developed a nonthermal plasma reactor that leaves airborne pathogens unable to infect host organisms, including people. The plasma oxidizes the viruses, which disables their mechanism for entering cells. The reactor reduces the number of infectious viruses in an airstream by more than 99%.
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The tainted truth effect: falsely claiming news is fake, false, etc. led individuals to discard authentic information, and impede political memory.
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Unemployment is sometimes associated with an increase in happiness, new study shows. Although unemployed individuals generally feel less happy, the unemployed without financial problems feel an increase in happiness. The findings suggest that the main benefit of employment is related to income.
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/Technology

The 2020 Election Will Be a War of Disinformation
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Bill Gates becomes first to buy a £500m hydrogen-powered super yacht
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A Device That 'Prints' New Skin Right Onto Burns Just Passed Another Animal Trial
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Sadly, this is not the Onion.

Man Falls Through Ice On Mississippi River, Says Google Maps Told Him To Cross
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Otter chaos: Florida mother ‘alligator wrangled’ an otter that attacked daughter, family dog
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EPA re-approves key Roundup chemical
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Ask Reddit...

If you could see a list of every person's name and face (including strangers) that thought about you sexually at least once, would you want to see it and why?
Comments
Men who were sexually harassed, assaulted, raped or forced to have sex by females. What happened?
Comments
[Serious] What is stopping you from killing yourself?
Comments

Sysadmin

years of network issues... it was servers (and not DNS!!)!
Comments
Heavy industries: what are some cools things you are doing?
Comments
“corp.com” is being sold, thousands of systems around the globe at risks
Comments

Microsoft SQL Server

Restore a backup
Comments

PowerShell

VSCode: How to debug a function inside a module?
Comments
Can you install powershell core next to PS 5?
Comments
Copy files to remote machine
Comments

Functional 3D Printing

There is no such thing as a failed print!
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Dish brush holder
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Letter box number for my niece’s new house (she loves bunnies).
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Data Is Beautiful

Fruits Highest in Sugar [OC]
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[OC] I analyzed over 2 billion Reddit comments to see how the frequency of Bitcoin mentions correlates with the price of Bitcoin and to investigate if there is a predictive effect. I plotted the results visually, here's what I found... [OC]
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[OC] Oscar Winners vs. Betting Favorites in the Last Decade
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Today I Learned (TIL)

TIL In 1965, a Ukrainian farmer dug up the lower jawbone of a mammoth. Further excavations revealed the presence of 4 huts, made up of a total of 149 mammoth bones. These dwellings, dating back some 15,000 years, were determined to have been some of the oldest shelters ever built
Comments | Link
TIL: Smuckers Uncrustables sends all of their discarded crusts to be made into animal feed.
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TIL Milk Duds were intended to be candy spheres but the machines produced less-than-round candies which the workers called "duds". The "milk" part of the name refers to the large amount of milk in the candy.
Comments | Link

So many books, so little time

Is there a single book that altered the course of your life?
Comments
Just finished A Man Called Ove
Comments
What are your thoughts on used books as a gift?
Comments

OldSchoolCool: History's cool kids, looking fantastic

Nan Wood Graham and Dr. Byron McKeeby. Models of the painting "American Gothic" 1930s
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Claude Monet, French Impressionist painter, ca. 1923
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A young Sir Ian McKellen (1966).
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aviation

Thanks to storm Ciara, BA flight BA112 travelled from New York to London overnight in just 4hrs 56mins
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1/32 A-10 Warthog - Album in comments
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Unexpected landing gear view takeoff....
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Reddit Pics

Ehhh... What’s up Don?
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Bill introduced himself as Dr. Peter Venkman & talked to my kids every other hole at the ATT Pro Am.
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Interesting graffiti in Yekaterinburg
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.gifs - funny, animated gifs for your viewing pleasure

You can pinpoint the exact moment he decided to go for that exposed butt...
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Perfect coaster toss
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Stunning view of El Capitan in the Morning Light!!
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A subreddit for cute and cuddly pictures

The snack that smiles back!
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A beautiful cat, you say? Taa ~ daa!!
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Merlin the European Eagle Owl walking back to his Avairy after his flying session.
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submitted by DangerDylan to DangerDylanTLDR [link] [comments]

NYT article/The Weekly Episode on Epstein Hotlist

Just finished watching The Weekly (it’s kind of a Vice rip-off by the NYT) on Hulu where they went into detail about their story published this week about a « hacker » named Patrick Kessler who claimed to have tens of thousands of hours of Epstein’s private videos.
Turns out, Patrick did not released the videos and there is a lot of questions with his credibility, nonetheless, he clearly exposed two lawyers (Bois and Pottinger) for attempting to profit by offering to reach large settlements in which they would take 40%.
The article is here: Jeffrey Epstein, Blackmail, and a Lucrative Hotlist
Even though it sounds like this guy Kessler is full of shit, I REALLY wish that he wasn’t and at some point these troves of photos and videos get released and a bunch of rich and powerful people get what they deserve for abusing these women.
For those who need access to NYT- it is a long article, but here’s the full text:
By Jessica Silver-Greenberg, Emily Steel, Jacob Bernstein and David Enrich Nov. 30, 2019 Soon after the sex criminal Jeffrey Epstein died in August, a mysterious man met with two prominent lawyers.
Towering, barrel-chested and wild-bearded, he was a prodigious drinker and often wore flip-flops. He went by a pseudonym, Patrick Kessler — a necessity, he said, given the shadowy, dangerous world that he inhabited.
He told the lawyers he had something incendiary: a vast archive of Mr. Epstein’s data, stored on encrypted servers overseas. He said he had years of the financier’s communications and financial records — as well as thousands of hours of footage from hidden cameras in the bedrooms of Mr. Epstein’s properties. The videos, Kessler said, captured some of the world’s richest, most powerful men in compromising sexual situations — even in the act of rape.
Kessler said he wanted to expose these men. If he was telling the truth, his trove could answer one of the Epstein saga’s most baffling questions: How did a college dropout and high school math teacher amass a purported nine-figure fortune? One persistent but unproven theory was that he ran a sprawling blackmail operation. That would explain why moguls, scientists, political leaders and a royal stayed loyal to him, in some cases even after he first went to jail.
Kessler’s tale was enough to hook the two lawyers, the famed litigator David Boies and his friend John Stanley Pottinger. If Kessler was authentic, his videos would arm them with immense leverage over some very important people.
Mr. Boies and Mr. Pottinger discussed a plan. They could use the supposed footage in litigation or to try to reach deals with men who appeared in it, with money flowing into a charitable foundation. In encrypted chats with Kessler, Mr. Pottinger referred to a roster of potential targets as the “hot list.” He described hypothetical plans in which the lawyers would pocket up to 40 percent of the settlements and could extract money from wealthy men by flipping from representing victims to representing their alleged abusers.
The possibilities were tantalizing — and extended beyond vindicating victims. Mr. Pottinger saw a chance to supercharge his law practice. For Mr. Boies, there was a shot at redemption, after years of criticism for his work on behalf of Theranos and Harvey Weinstein.
In the end, there would be no damning videos, no funds pouring into a new foundation. Mr. Boies and Mr. Pottinger would go from toasting Kessler as their “whistle-blower” and “informant” to torching him as a “fraudster” and a “spy.”
Kessler was a liar, and he wouldn’t expose any sexual abuse. But he would reveal something else: The extraordinary, at times deceitful measures elite lawyers deployed in an effort to get evidence that could be used to win lucrative settlements — and keep misconduct hidden, allowing perpetrators to abuse again.
Mr. Boies has publicly decried such secret deals as “rich man’s justice,” a way that powerful men buy their way out of legal and reputational jeopardy. This is how it works.
7 men and a headless parrot
The man who called himself Kessler first contacted a Florida lawyer, Bradley J. Edwards, who was in the news for representing women with claims against Mr. Epstein. It was late August, about two weeks after the financier killed himself in a jail cell while awaiting trial on federal sex-trafficking charges.
Mr. Edwards, who did not respond to interview requests, had a law firm called Edwards Pottinger, and he soon referred Kessler to his New York partner. Silver-haired and 79, Mr. Pottinger had been a senior civil-rights official in the Nixon and Ford administrations, but he also dabbled in investment banking and wrote best-selling medical thrillers. He was perhaps best known for having dated Gloria Steinem and Kathie Lee Gifford.
Mr. Pottinger recalled that Mr. Edwards warned him about Kessler, saying that he was “endearing,” “spooky” and “loves to drink like a fish.”
After an initial discussion with Kessler in Washington, Mr. Pottinger briefed Mr. Boies — whose firm was also active in representing accusers in the Epstein case — about the sensational claims. He then invited Kessler to his Manhattan apartment. Kessler admired a wall-mounted frame containing a headless stuffed parrot; on TV, the Philadelphia Eagles were mounting a comeback against the Washington Redskins. Mr. Pottinger poured Kessler a glass of WhistlePig whiskey, and the informant began to talk.
In his conversations with Mr. Pottinger and, later, Mr. Boies, Kessler said his videos featured numerous powerful men who were already linked to Mr. Epstein: Ehud Barak, the former Israeli prime minister; Alan Dershowitz, a constitutional lawyer; Prince Andrew; three billionaires; and a prominent chief executive.
All seven men, or their representatives, told The New York Times they never engaged in sexual activity on Mr. Epstein’s properties. The Times has no reason to believe Kessler’s supposed video footage is real.
In his apartment, Mr. Pottinger presented Kessler with a signed copy of “The Boss,” his 2005 novel. “One minute you’re bending the rules,” blares the cover of the paperback version. “The next minute you’re breaking the law.” On the title page, Mr. Pottinger wrote: “Here’s to the great work you are to do. Happy to be part of it.”
Mr. Pottinger also gave Kessler a draft contract to bring him on as a client, allowing him to use a fake name. “For reasons revealed to you, I prefer to proceed with this engagement under the name Patrick Kessler,” the agreement said.
Despite the enormities of the Epstein scandal, few of his accusers have gotten a sense of justice or resolution. Mr. Pottinger thought Kessler’s files could change everything. This strange man was theatrical and liked his alcohol, but if there was even a chance his claims were true, they were worth pursuing.
“Our clients are said to be liars and prostitutes,” Mr. Pottinger later said in an interview with The Times, “and we now have someone who says, ‘I can give you secret photographic proof of abuse that will completely change the entire fabric of your practice and get justice for these girls.’ And you think that we wouldn’t try to get that?”
A victim becomes a hacker
Mr. Pottinger and Mr. Boies have known each other for years, a friendship forged on bike trips in France and Italy. In legal circles, Mr. Boies was royalty: He was the one who fought for presidential candidate Al Gore before the Supreme Court, took on Microsoft in a landmark antitrust case, and helped obtain the right for gays and lesbians to get married in California.
But then Mr. Boies got involved with the blood-testing start-up Theranos. As the company was being revealed as a fraud, he tried to bully whistle-blowers into not speaking to a Wall Street Journal reporter, and he was criticized for possible conflicts of interest when he joined the company’s board in 2015.
Two years later, Mr. Boies helped his longtime client Harvey Weinstein hire private investigators who intimidated sources and trailed reporters for The Times and The New Yorker — even though Mr. Boies’s firm had worked for The Times on other matters. (The Times fired his firm.)
By 2019, Mr. Boies, 78, was representing a number of Mr. Epstein’s alleged victims. They got his services pro bono, and he got the chance to burnish his legacy. When Mr. Pottinger contacted him about Kessler, he was intrigued.
On Sept. 9, Mr. Boies greeted Kessler at the offices of his law firm, Boies Schiller Flexner, in a gleaming new skyscraper at Hudson Yards on Manhattan’s West Side. Kessler unfurled a fantastic story, one he would embroider and alter in later weeks, that began with him growing up somewhere within a three-hour radius of Washington. Kessler said he had been molested as a boy by a Bible school teacher and sought solace on the internet, where he fell in with a group of victims turned hackers, who used their skills to combat pedophilia.
Kessler claimed that a technology executive had introduced him to Mr. Epstein, who in 2012 hired Kessler to set up encrypted servers to preserve his extensive digital archives. With Mr. Epstein dead, Kessler boasted to the lawyers, he had unfettered access to the material. He said the volume of videos was overwhelming: more than a decade of round-the-clock footage from dozens of cameras.
Kessler displayed some pixelated video stills on his phone. In one, a bearded man with his mouth open appears to be having sex with a naked woman. Kessler said the man was Mr. Barak. In another, a man with black-framed glasses is seen shirtless with a woman on his lap, her breasts exposed. Kessler said it was Mr. Dershowitz. He also said that some of the supposed videos appeared to have been edited and cataloged for the purpose of blackmail.
“This was explosive information if true, for lots and lots of people,” Mr. Boies said in an interview.
Mr. Boies and Mr. Pottinger had decades of legal experience and considered themselves experts at assessing witnesses’ credibility. While they couldn’t be sure, they thought Kessler was probably legit.
A chance to sway the Israeli election
Within hours of the Hudson Yards meeting, Mr. Pottinger sent Kessler a series of texts over the encrypted messaging app Signal.
According to excerpts viewed by The Times, Mr. Pottinger and Kessler discussed a plan to disseminate some of the informant’s materials — starting with the supposed footage of Mr. Barak. The Israeli election was barely a week away, and Mr. Barak was challenging Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu. The purported images of Mr. Barak might be able to sway the election — and fetch a high price. (“Total lie with no basis in reality,” Mr. Barak said when asked about the existence of such videos.)
“Can you review your visual evidence to be sure some or all is indisputably him? If so, we can make it work,” Mr. Pottinger wrote.
Kessler said he would do so. Mr. Pottinger sent a yellow smiley-face emoji with its tongue sticking out.
“Can you share your contact that would be purchasing,” Kessler asked.
“Sheldon Adelson,” Mr. Pottinger answered.
Mr. Adelson, a billionaire casino magnate in Las Vegas, had founded one of Israel’s largest newspapers, and it was an enthusiastic booster of Mr. Netanyahu. Mr. Pottinger wrote that he and Mr. Boies hoped to fly to Nevada to meet with Mr. Adelson to discuss the images.
“Do you believe that adelson has the pull to insure this will hurt his bid for election?” Kessler asked the next morning.
Mr. Pottinger reassured him. “There is no question that Adelson has the capacity to air the truth about EB if he wants to,” he said, using Mr. Barak’s initials. He said he planned to discuss the matter with Mr. Boies that evening.
Mr. Boies confirmed that they discussed sharing the photo with Mr. Adelson but said the plan was never executed. Boaz Bismuth, the editor in chief of the newspaper, Israel Hayom, said its journalists were approached by an Israeli source who pitched them supposed images of Mr. Barak, but that “we were not interested.”
‘These are wealthy wrongdoers’
The men whom Kessler claimed to have on tape were together worth many billions. Some of their public relations teams had spent months trying to tamp down media coverage of their connections to Mr. Epstein. Imagine how much they might pay to make incriminating videos vanish.
You might think that lawyers representing abuse victims would want to publicly expose such information to bolster their clients’ claims. But that is not how the legal industry always works. Often, keeping things quiet is good business.
One of the revelations of the #MeToo era has been that victims’ lawyers often brokered secret deals in which alleged abusers paid to keep their accusers quiet and the allegations out of the public sphere. Lawyers can pocket at least a third of such settlements, profiting off a system that masks misconduct and allows men to abuse again.
Mr. Boies and Mr. Pottinger said in interviews that they were looking into creating a charity to help victims of sexual abuse. It would be bankrolled by private legal settlements with the men on the videos.
Mr. Boies acknowledged that Kessler might get paid. “If we were able to use this to help our victims recover money, we would treat him generously,” he said in September. He said that his firm would not get a cut of any settlements.
Such agreements would have made it less likely that videos involving the men became public. “Generally what settlements are about is getting peace,” Mr. Boies said.
Mr. Pottinger told Kessler that the charity he was setting up would be called the Astria Foundation — a name he later said his girlfriend came up with, in a nod to Astraea, the Greek goddess of innocence and justice. “We need to get it funded by abusers,” Mr. Pottinger texted, noting in another message that “these are wealthy wrongdoers.”
Mr. Pottinger asked Kessler to start compiling incriminating materials on a specific group of men.
“I’m way ahead of you,” Kessler responded. He said he had asked his team of fellow hackers to search the files for the three billionaires, the C.E.O. and Prince Andrew.
“Yes, that’s exactly how to do this,” Mr. Pottinger said. “Videos for sure, but email traffic, too.”
“I call it our hot list,” he added.
Image The Grand Sichuan restaurant in Manhattan. The Grand Sichuan restaurant in Manhattan.Credit...Stephanie Diani for The New York Times A quiet table at the back of Grand Sichuan
In mid-September, Mr. Boies and Mr. Pottinger invited reporters from The Times to the Boies Schiller offices to meet Kessler. The threat of a major news organization writing about the videos — and confirming the existence of an extensive surveillance apparatus — could greatly enhance the lawyers’ leverage over the wealthy men.
Before the session, Mr. Pottinger encouraged Kessler to focus on certain men, like Mr. Barak, while avoiding others. Referring to the reporters, he added, “Let them drink from a fountain instead of a water hose. They and the readers will follow that better.”
The meeting took place on a cloudy Saturday morning. After agreeing to leave their phones and laptops outside, the reporters entered a 20th-floor conference room. Kessler was huge: more than 6 feet tall, pushing 300 pounds, balding, his temples speckled with gray. He told his story and presented images that he said were of Mr. Epstein, Mr. Barak and Mr. Dershowitz having sex with women.
Barely an hour after the session ended, the Times reporters received an email from Kessler: “Are you free?” He said he wanted to meet — alone. “Tell no one else.” That afternoon, they met at Grand Sichuan, an iconic Chinese restaurant in Manhattan’s Chelsea neighborhood. The lunch rush was over, and the trio sat at a quiet table in the back. A small group of women huddled nearby, speaking Mandarin and snipping the ends off string beans.
Kessler complained that Mr. Boies and Mr. Pottinger were more interested in making money than in exposing wrongdoers. He pulled out his phone, warned the reporters not to touch it, and showed more of what he had. There was a color photo of a bare-chested, gray-haired man with a slight smile. Kessler said it was a billionaire. He also showed blurry, black-and-white images of a dark-haired man receiving oral sex. He said it was a prominent C.E.O.
Soup dumplings and Gui Zhou chicken arrived, and Kessler kept talking. He said he had found financial ledgers on Mr. Epstein’s servers that showed he had vast amounts of Bitcoin and cash in the Middle East and Bangkok, and hundreds of millions of dollars’ worth of gold, silver and diamonds. He presented no proof. But it is common for whistle-blowers to be erratic and slow to produce their evidence, and The Times thought it was worth investigating Kessler’s claims.
The conversation continued in a conference room at a Washington hotel five days later, after a text exchange in which Kessler noted his enthusiasm for Japanese whiskey. Both parties brought bottles to the hotel, and Kessler spent nearly eight hours downing glass after glass. He veered from telling tales about the dark web to professing love for “Little House on the Prairie.” He asserted that he had evidence Mr. Epstein had derived his wealth through illicit means. At one point, he showed what he said were classified C.I.A. documents.
Kessler said he had no idea who the women in the videos were or how the lawyers might go about identifying them to act on their behalf. From his perspective, he said, it seemed like Mr. Boies and Mr. Pottinger were plotting to use his footage to demand huge sums from billionaires. He said it looked like blackmail — and that he could prove it.
‘We keep it. We keep everything’
Was Kessler’s story plausible? Did America’s best-connected sexual predator accumulate incriminating videos of powerful men?
Two women who spent time in Mr. Epstein’s homes said the answer was yes. In an unpublished memoir, Virginia Giuffre, who accused Mr. Epstein of making her a “sex slave,” wrote that she discovered a room in his New York mansion where monitors displayed real-time surveillance footage. And Maria Farmer, an artist who accused Mr. Epstein of sexually assaulting her when she worked for him in the 1990s, said that Mr. Epstein once walked her through the mansion, pointing out pin-sized cameras that he said were in every room.
“I said, ‘Are you recording all this?’” Ms. Farmer said in an interview. “He said, ‘Yes. We keep it. We keep everything.’”
During a 2005 search of Mr. Epstein’s Palm Beach, Fla., estate, the police found two cameras hidden in clocks — one in the garage and the other next to his desk, according to police reports. But no other cameras were found.
Kessler claimed to have been an early investor in a North Carolina coffee company, whose sticker was affixed to his laptop. But its founder said no one matching Kessler’s description had ever been affiliated with the company. Kessler insisted that he invested in 2009, but the company wasn’t founded until 2011.
The contents of Kessler’s supposed C.I.A. documents turned out to be easily findable using Google. At one point, Kessler said that one of his associates had been missing and was found dead; later, Kessler said the man was alive and in the southern United States. He said that his mother had died when he was young — and that he had recently given her a hug. A photo he sent from what he said was a Washington-area hospital featured a distinctive blanket, but when The Times called local hospitals, they didn’t recognize the pattern.
After months of effort, The Times could not learn Kessler’s identity or confirm any element of his back story.
“I am very often being purposefully inconsistent,” Kessler said, when pressed.
A Weinstein cameo
On the last Friday in September, Mr. Boies and Mr. Pottinger sat on a blue leather couch in the corner of a members-only dining room at the Harvard Club in Midtown Manhattan. Antlered animal heads and oil paintings hung from the dark wooden walls.
The lawyers were there to make a deal with The Times. Tired of waiting for Kessler’s motherlode, Mr. Pottinger said they planned to send a team overseas to download the material from his servers. He said he had alerted the F.B.I. and a prosecutor in the United States attorney’s office in Manhattan.
Mr. Boies told an editor for The Times that they would be willing to share everything, on one condition: They would have discretion over which men could be written about, and when. He explained that if compromising videos about particular men became public, that could torpedo litigation or attempts to negotiate settlements. The Times editor didn’t commit.
Mr. Boies and Mr. Pottinger later said those plans had hinged on verifying the videos’ authenticity and on having clients with legitimate legal claims against the men. Otherwise, legal experts said, it might have crossed the line into extortion.
The meeting was briefly interrupted when Bob Weinstein, the brother of Harvey Weinstein, bounded up to the table and plopped onto the couch next to Mr. Boies. The two men spent several minutes talking, laughing and slapping each other on the back.
While Mr. Boies and Mr. Weinstein chatted, Mr. Pottinger furtively displayed the black-and-white shot of a man in glasses having sex. Both lawyers said it looked like Mr. Dershowitz.
‘You don’t keep your glasses on when you’re doing that’
One day in late September, Mr. Dershowitz’s secretary relayed a message: Someone named Patrick Kessler wanted to speak to him about Mr. Boies.
“The problem is that they don’t want to move forward with any of these people legally,” Kessler said. “They’re just interested in trying to settle and take a cut.”
“Who are these people that you have on videotape?” Mr. Dershowitz asked.
“There’s a lot of people,” Kessler said, naming a few powerful men. He added, “There’s a long list of people that they want me to have that I don’t have.”
“Who?” Mr. Dershowitz asked. “Did they ask about me?”
“Of course they asked about you. You know that, sir.”
“And you don’t have anything on me, right?”
“I do not, no,” Kessler said.
“Because I never, I never had sex with anybody,” Mr. Dershowitz said. Later in the call, he added, “I am completely clean. I was at Jeffrey’s house. I stayed there. But I didn’t have any sex with anybody.”
What was the purpose of Kessler’s phone call? Why did he tell Mr. Dershowitz that he wasn’t on the supposed surveillance tapes, contradicting what he had said and showed to Mr. Boies, Mr. Pottinger and The Times? Did the call sound a little rehearsed?
Mr. Dershowitz said that he didn’t know why Kessler contacted him, and that the phone call was the only time the two men ever spoke. When The Times showed him one of Kessler’s photos, in which a bespectacled man resembling Mr. Dershowitz appears to be having sex, Mr. Dershowitz laughed and said the man wasn’t him. His wife, Carolyn Cohen, peeked at the photo, too.
“You don’t keep your glasses on when you’re doing that,” she said.
Data set (supposedly) to self-destruct
In early October, Kessler said he was ready to produce the Epstein files. He told The Times that he had created duplicate versions of Mr. Epstein’s servers. He laid out detailed logistical plans for them to be shipped by boat to the United States and for one of his associates — a very short Icelandic man named Steven — to deliver them to The Times headquarters at 11 a.m. on Oct. 3.
Kessler warned that he was erecting a maze of security systems. First, a Times employee would need to use a special thumb drive to access a proprietary communications system. Then Kessler’s colleague would transmit a code to decrypt the files. If his instructions weren’t followed precisely, Kessler said, the information would self-destruct.
Specialists at The Times set up a number of “air-gapped” laptops — disconnected from the internet — in a windowless, padlocked meeting room. Reporters cleared their schedules to sift through thousands of hours of surveillance footage.
On the morning of the scheduled delivery, Kessler sent a series of frantic texts. Disaster had struck. A fire was burning. The duplicate servers were destroyed. One of his team members was missing. He was fleeing to Kyiv.
Two hours later, Kessler was in touch with Mr. Pottinger and didn’t mention any emergency. Kessler said he hoped that the footage would help pry $1 billion in settlements out of their targets, and asked him to detail how the lawyers could extract the money. “Could you put together a hypothetical situation,” Kessler wrote, not something “set in stone but close to what your thinking.”
In one, which he called a “standard model” for legal settlements, Mr. Pottinger said the money would be split among his clients, the Astria Foundation, Kessler and the lawyers, who would get up to 40 percent.
In the second hypothetical, Mr. Pottinger wrote, the lawyers would approach the videotaped men. The men would then hire the lawyers, ensuring that they would not get sued, and “make a contribution to a nonprofit as part of the retainer.”
“No client is actually involved in this structure,” Mr. Pottinger said, noting that the arrangement would have to be “consistent with and subject to rules of ethics.”
“Thank you very much,” Kessler responded.
Mr. Pottinger later said that the scenario would have involved him representing a victim, settling a case and then representing the victim’s alleged abuser. He said it was within legal boundaries. (He also said he had meant to type “No client lawsuit is actually involved.”)
Such legal arrangements are not unheard-of. Lawyers representing a former Fox News producer who had accused Bill O’Reilly of sexual harassment reached a settlement in which her lawyers agreed to work for Mr. O’Reilly after the dispute. But legal experts generally consider such setups to be unethical because they can create conflicts between the interests of the lawyers and their original clients.
‘I just pulled it out of my behind’
The lawyers held out hope of getting Kessler’s materials. But weeks passed, and nothing arrived. At one point, Mr. Pottinger volunteered to meet Kessler anywhere — including Ljubljana, the capital of Slovenia.
“I still believe he is what he purported to be,” Mr. Boies wrote in an email on Nov. 7. “I have to evaluate people for my day job, and he seemed too genuine to be a fake, and I very much want him to be real.” He added, “I am not unconscious of the danger of wanting to believe something too much.”
Ten days later, Mr. Boies arrived at The Times for an on-camera interview. It was a bright, chilly Sunday, and Mr. Boies had just flown in from Ecuador, where he said he was doing work for the finance ministry. Reporters wanted to ask him plainly if his and Mr. Pottinger’s conduct with Kessler crossed ethical lines.
Would they have brokered secret settlements that buried evidence of wrongdoing? Did the notion of extracting huge sums from men in exchange for keeping sex tapes hidden meet the definition of extortion?
Mr. Boies said the answer to both questions was no. He said he and Mr. Pottinger operated well within the law. They only intended to pursue legal action on behalf of their clients — in other words, that they were a long way from extortion. In any case, he said, he and Mr. Pottinger had never authenticated any of the imagery or identified any of the supposed victims, much less contacted any of the men on the “hot list.”
Then The Times showed Mr. Boies some of the text exchanges between Mr. Pottinger and Kessler. Mr. Boies showed a flash of anger and said it was the first time he was seeing them.
By the end of the nearly four-hour interview, Mr. Boies had concluded that Kessler was probably a con man: “I think that he was a fraudster who was just trying to set things up.” And he argued that Kessler had baited Mr. Pottinger into writing things that looked more nefarious than they really were. He acknowledged that Mr. Pottinger had used “loose language” in some of his messages that risked creating the impression that the lawyers were plotting to monetize evidence of abuse.
Several days later, Mr. Boies returned for another interview and was more critical of Mr. Pottinger, especially the hypothetical plans that he had described to Kessler. “Having looked at all that stuff in context, I would not have said that,” he said. How did Mr. Boies feel about Mr. Pottinger invoking his name in messages to Kessler? “I don’t like it,” he said.
But Mr. Boies stopped short of blaming Mr. Pottinger for the whole mess. “I’m being cautious not to throw him under the bus more than I believe is accurate,” he said. His longtime P.R. adviser, Dawn Schneider, who had been pushing for a more forceful denunciation, dropped her pen, threw up her arms and buried her head in her hands.
In a separate interview, The Times asked Mr. Pottinger about his correspondence with Kessler. The lawyer said that his messages shouldn’t be taken at face value because, in reality, he had been deceiving Kessler all along — “misleading him deliberately in order to get the servers.”
The draft retention agreement that Mr. Pottinger had given to Kessler in September was unsigned and never meant to be honored, Mr. Pottinger said. And he never intended to sell photos of Mr. Barak to Mr. Adelson. “I just pulled it out of my behind,” he said, describing it as an act to impress Kessler.
As for the two hypotheticals about how to get money out of the men on the list, Mr. Pottinger said, he never planned to do what he carefully articulated. “I didn’t owe Patrick honesty about this,” he said.
Mr. Pottinger said that he had only one regret — that “we did not get the information that this liar said he had.”
He added, “I’m building legal cases here. I’m trying not to engage too much in shenanigans. I wish I didn’t, but this guy was very unusual.”
submitted by FollyGoLightly to Epstein [link] [comments]

Let's make MDMA a legal medicine for PTSD. MAPS needs $8 mil for Phase 3 FDA trials. They accept Bitcoin Cash, and I will match your donation 1:1, up to $4 million.

Hi /btc!
You might've heard of PTSD. It's a debilitating illness usually affecting people who are already victims, like sexual assault survivors who still suffer and are tormented every day since. Not only do they experience traumatic flashbacks, even sleep is no relief thanks to serious nightmares. It is life threatening.
Existing treatment for PTSD aren't great. Therapy can be helpful, but they're often not enough, especially for severe PTSD. There are only two drugs approved by the FDA: SSRIs like Zoloft and Paxil. Those drugs must be taken continuously, and can cause serious side effects. Mania, seizures, inability to orgasm, and suicide are known side effects.
In 1986, a nonprofit named MAPS was started to develop legal contexts for beneficial uses of psychedelics and marijuana. 31 years later, MAPS has found its most promising candidate yet: MDMA-assisted psychotherapy as a treatment for PTSD.

The numbers: 68% (MDMA) versus 25% (placebo)

They've already conducted Phase 2 studies in the US, Canada, Israel, and Switzerland. After a comprehensive therapeutic process involving preparatory sessions, MDMA-assisted therapy sessions, and non-drug therapy sessions, 61% no longer met the criteria for PTSD. This improved to 68% after a year. Of those who met the criteria, many experienced significant reductions in symptoms. This is compared to only 25% for the placebo group, who received all the therapy, but with a sugar pill instead of MDMA.
For most people, the benefits are lasting. MAPS conducted one long-term outcome study, evaluating patients ~3.5 years after the last MDMA-assisted sessions. Average benefits even increased slightly over time.
"The MDMA sessions were the first time I'd ever felt love for myself. It was the first time I'd ever felt happy. I hugged my therapist and said 'Thank you.'"
After MAPS' studies, the FDA granted 'Breakthrough Therapy Designation' to MDMA-assisted psychotherapy.
Now they need to conduct Phase 3 trials, which are far costlier due to requirements for an increased sample size, groups, etc, even through the stage with highest failure rates (Phase 2) is already over. MAPS has achieved the extra-ordinary journey of bringing MDMA-assisted psychotherapy all the way to Phase 3; a drug that pharmas will never touch because it will disrupt their recurring revenue streams of SSRIs.

Phase 3

Phase 3 will cost about $25 million. They've raised $17 million already ($1 mil from PF included), and need another $8 million to get to the finish line.
I have never donated to MAPS (or even heard of them) before starting the Pineapple Fund. PF donated $1 million, and that inspired another anonymous donator to give another $1 million in bitcoin. To whoever you are, you're amazing, and you are inspiring. <3
I believe we, the cryptocurrency community, can fully fund Phase 3 trials. Prescription MDMA could be a gift to this world from the bitcoin community.
If the trial succeeds, it could be approved as early as 2021. MAPS has created a public benefit corporation, fully owned by the non-profit, that would sell MDMA post-approval. This is a scalable and financially sustainable structure that could kickstart a renaissance in research into the therapeutic applications of many different psychedelics.
Pineapple Fund will double the value of every donation to MAPS from today until March 10th, up to $4 million.
You can donate with Bitcoin Cash. MAPS is actually one of the first charities to accept Bitcoin Cash for donations!
http://www.maps.org/donate-redirect/cryptocurrency
You can also donate with legacy payment systems like credit cards or PayPal, and PF will also match that donation.
Your donations are tax deductible (if you're a US taxpayer), and you don't even have to pay capital gains tax. Ask for a receipt if so.
Let's make MDMA medicine a reality!
submitted by PineappleFund to btc [link] [comments]

Hi, my name is Jade and I am a 31 year old male to female transgender webcam model that has overcome PTSD and addiction due to sexual trauma that looks to use camming as a way to fund motorcycle racing, ask me ANYTHING!

Wow! What a title! Let's digest that! proof is in this pudding. <- Safe for work.
I was born male back in 1987. I first realized I was transgender around the age of 21 or 22. In retrospect I had a ton of characteristics that were glaringly obvious, such as how I used to kind of wish I was Gabrielle and could be Xena's sidekick and things. I was not met with much support from family at first, and thanks to having generated a few thousand bitcoins in 2010, I had some pennies to leave the house and gallivant amongst a few different friends' places. I started my first steps into really trying to be myself.
I also tried opening up to guys more. That got me into some bad situations with some individuals which was when the incidents of sexual assault and rape occurred. The pills and weed I was using to cope previously turned into IV heroin and cocaine. I blew every last one of my bitcoins in the 8 months. This was 2012. I begged to come home, thankfully mother let me. I still struggled with using and my identity and what happened to me for years. It was only when I was on heroin did I feel okay to be myself.
Time basically fast forwarded as desolate existence that is that of an addict continued. You only truly felt good when you had your fix, but you spent the majority of each day just trying to get your hands on the stuff. Eventually I got on the police radar and started getting arrested. 10 arrests in 14 months didn't wake me up. It wasn't until I went to jail for 35 days that I got fed up with where I got myself. Not to knock anyone that's been to jail before, but a lot of people there weren't of the highest caliber and expected to be coming "right back" soon after they get released for some other dumb idea they planned on executing. The hardest thing for me to find there was a good conversation. I was also self medicating on estrogen by that point, so the entire place knew me as "tittyboy" or "littletits" so it's not like anyone even wanted to associate with me in the first place there. There were a few individuals I was able to get a table and play monopoly with, so that was a life saver. That and books.
After getting out in September of 2016, the 15th is the day I started on my hormone regimen again and I've been entirely consistent since then. I went to a partial care program, which is basically a rehab where you go home at night and have weekends off, for about 10 months followed up with a 3 day a week outpatient program until I got off of probation November of 2017. That was where I really managed to pour my heart out in group therapy, to really investigate my own thoughts, emotions, and feelings of what it meant to be me. I started working on my trauma, understanding that it's okay, what happened to me was not my fault, and it doesn't make me any less of a person. Cognitive behavioral therapy is a huge boon, I highly suggest finding someone more qualified me to tell you about it. It's basically like flexing your mind muscle to master your thoughts. Instead of reacting to the input and stimuli you get from the world around you, you process everything and respond intelligently. Any thoughts that are negative, you identify them and alter them to be more positive. It's really been some great insight.

Now that I had stability, my mind pointed towards more ambitious pastures. I started dating and presenting as female regularly around June of 2017, and my one ex got me into a little sport called motorcycle road racing. MotoGP was the league, and all I could thought was, "holy shit! Those guys are insane!" After a few more months, the thoughts changed to, "I need to do this." However, motorcycle racing is an expensive game to play. Not as expensive as car racing, but you can put in a pretty penny into a track bike and then some. One thing I've always been was a sexual being, and despite the PTSD and the 5 year sexual hiatus, I've always retained a bit of kink and a flair for performance. One way to make money was camming.
Camming is when a model, or models, turn on the web cam and host a chatroom on one of many different sites. People set up different methods of running their shows, like having to buy a ticket to see a show after a countdown, or something as simple as tip X amount and the model will do Y. There are also private chats, where only one user is spectating at a per minute rate, or models can usually sell videos and picture sets on their page as well.
So I gave it a shot. Hell, I used to cam for free on adultfriendfinder, might as well try making a buck from it too. That first night I spent 3 hours to make like $15 dollars. I ended up in tears afterwards thinking I should just put on some clothes and get a McJob, but I persevered. I learned, I adapted, I grew. I had an ace in the hole though, I'm rather good at sucking my own dick. Definitely makes you a little unique in such a competitive field.

So now it's 14 months after I started camming, and I dream to be able to do well enough to start racing motorcycles competitively. I personally ride a 2007 Suzuki SV650S, I love it, and only started riding in August, but I might just buy a used track bike for my first years of competing, until we're hitting the bike's limits and not my personal limits. I really hope to be able to hit this goal, but for now it's doing work on cam.
About me otherwise- I live in New Jersey. I'm easy going, I've been playing computer and video games since I was 5, I have a Shining Force tattoo on my back. I love documentaries. I've been on reddit since about 2011. I'm from New Jersey. I love metal and some hip hop groups.
So, ask me ANYTHING about anything you've read or anything on your mind. Whether it's about camming, drugs and recovery, trauma and abuse, bikes and racing, or whatever your little hearts desire, ask until you're god damn content. I hope someone enjoys this.
*tl;dr* some fucked up shit happened now I make porn to race motorcycles, also I'm a girl with a big ol' shenis.

also check me out on twitter (EXTREMELY NOT SAFE FOR WORK!!!!) or I also have free porn at NSFW pornhub - obviously not safe for work as well.

edit: also as long as people are posting to here I'll be answering questions. I regularly use reddit so that's not a difficult task to ask of me.
submitted by XXX-Jade-Is-Rad-XXX to IAmA [link] [comments]

The Meaning is the Ruse

I just wanted to take the time to extend u/rrockwe1's interpretation of the game, as it was succinct and similar to where I instinctually landed. Actually, this turned into more of a provocation - I'm looking as to whether this is even the right direction rather than if I've stuck all the details. Sloppy, I know.
https://www.reddit.com/NeverBeGameOvecomments/bfzd79/the_ruse_is_the_lack_of_ruse/
Conspiracy is the "heart of the MGS" series, but I would add - as it's flavored by the technological mediums we partake in. The games are not traditional games but loosely connected simulations to discover a conspiracy and the power dynamics of those involved at the top of it. Not unlike our own world.
Setup:
To start, I would highly recommend everyone on this sub to check out Dan Carlin's SuperNova in the East episode 1. The "incidents" he talks about each play out like a Metal Gear game. We can't forget that Kojima, born in 63, is reacting to events that happened in the immediate generation prior, as we all do. Think Marshall McLuhan's idea of the rear-view mirror while listening. For this interpretation, the relevant takeaway from the podcast is that due to the changes in communication technologies from the industrial revolution, the equilibrium for conflict settled into subterfuge. It was when Japan became sloppy with this new normal (like a winning poker player staying at the table for too long) and accidentally ushered this country towards the most important identity-altering period (WW2) since the Meiji Restoration. For Kojima, I'm imagining/empathizing that if you don't understand this phase shift you don't understand your reality, an American reconstructed post-nuclear Mc-Meiji mess.
Now how does this relate to us internetted folk with our new communication mediums? Id love to also introduce this sub to Jordan Greenhall. In the linked post, he goes on to analyze the QAnon phenomenon and is able to abstract some properties that are very reminiscent of what I experienced through NBGO.
Q is the most recent and most important example of a widely distributed self-organizing collective intelligence. We’ve actually seen many precursors. Cicada 3301 is a famous example. Even the I Love Bees ARG for Halo 2. Perhaps Bitcoin is the most important precursor to Q.
These “self-organizing collective intelligences” (SOCI), are a new kind of socio-cultural phenomenon that is beginning to emerge in the niche created by the Internet. They involve attractive generator functions dropped into the hive mind that gather attention, use that attention to build more capacity and then grow into something progressively real and self-sustaining.
The Q SOCI is, for the most part, about sensemaking. It is combing through the billions of threads of “what might be real” and “what might be true” that have been gathered into the Internet and it is slowly trying to weave them into a consistent, coherent and congruent fabric.
I, like u/rrockwe1, think this ruse was designed. Meta-gaming design is not unheard of in videogames before as another favorite game of mine, FEZ, pulled a similar move in a simpler form.
Also a Gamasurtra article on the design style:
"There's a fourth really big influence that I haven't been honest about," Fish continued. "Myst. There's a lot of Myst in Fez, in fact I'd call it a 'Mystroidvania.' It's a huge open nonlinear world, with lots of super obtuse metapuzzles everywhere. The world has its own alphabet and numeric system."
"I don't know if that is still going to fly today, that's a school of design that's really very old school. There's a high barrier of entry for that second part to the game, and I hope there will be things that will take internet forums weeks to decipher. I want people to talk about that weird thing that they don't think they were supposed to find in Fez."

To begin:
Now we all know Kojima has had mixed feelings towards his own series as he's intended every MGS from 2 onward to be the last in the series (most likely returning due to corporate pressure).
This quote from 2014 about MGSV is telling:
"So in a way I guess I'm taking advantage of that to try new things, because every time I work on any game, be it Metal Gear or something else, I try to make new things. So for me, my challenge right now working on Metal Gear is, while preserving the elements that make it Metal Gear, to do all the new things I really want to do."
He's kept things new by innovatively making marketing Metal Gear part of the game experience; bringing an added self-awareness to gaming, fandom, and technology. While the Fez Meta-game was designed to solve newly enabled internet-forum-oriented puzzles, the metal gear Meta-games have been much more difficult to interpret, as they are often part of the artistic statement. However, Kojima has deliberately moved "the game" aspect to encapsulate before, during and now After release*.* Thus as this relates to MGSV, I believe NGBO and similar sensemaking forums will go down as part of "the game" just as much as we can easily state that Metal Gear Marketing before release has been part of each other game in the series. What is MGS2 if you didn't pay attention to the codec briefing marketing of the game.
For me though, MGSV is an artistic attempt whose meta-game is an attempt to implode the series's own need for more Canon while simultaneously commenting brilliantly on the reality around him.

Imploding Canon - Kojima on Fandom
Can the quest for further interpretation fuel and mask different needs (like a need to simulate violence) and can that devolve into self-defeating patterns or as Skullface put it "an endless loop of action and reaction?"
Do we play metal gear to gain an understanding of Kojima's critical worldview (anti-war, anti-nuclear, anti-authority themes) or to get gratifying rushes of pixelated violence that glorify what he condemns?
These questions are what have plagued the metal gear universe, with the "action and reaction" being fan adulation of a new installment in the series -> leading to corporate pressure -> leading to another unplanned sequel with an intended aesthetic to make us realize the absurdity of the universe he's constructed -> only for our interpretations to fall partially flat on release -> leading to fan adulation...
However, this exact dilemma we fans face when playing a metal gear game is nearly identical to those the characters face in MGSV. The need for more canon becomes self-defeating for the likes of Kaz, Venom, and SkullFace trying to enact revenge. Kaz and Venom need the canon to continue so they can manifest new objects for their revenge - which is the intent of the drawn-out nature of the second act. We, as players, seek something as deeply unmet as the characters in MGSV's need for revenge is. This juxtaposition is an attempt at making you self-aware about this - to reflect back the tragically flawed state its characters inhabit on to you and draw the connection to your fandom.
This is a game not lacking in canon but is anti-canon. Canon that consumes the need for further canon.
The only constructive answer he gives is "to exit", which is embodied via Quiet's character. Quiet, written, displayed, and expressed with purposeful alignment to nearly every stereotypical Videogame trope on women, is a prisoner of the medium she's embedded within. She exits her role within the canon when sexually assaulted by a soldier (a proxy for videogamers at large) or to put it another way, when her role was taken to it's extreme (shock therapy). We need to do the same as Metal Gear fans who are cast within the game as Venom.
With his anti-canon deployed, Kojima can now "exit" in peace that the series is put to rest psychically for fans. Instead of clamoring for more.

How "to exit" - or how Kojima prepared me for the 21st century
MGSV's narrative is bare bones on the surface but speaks volumes to hardcore Metal Gear fans.
You, as part of the most knowledgable/obsessive sect of Metal Gear fans, know something is up with this game. Something hasn't sat right in your gut and it continually doesn't sit right. Thus, you naturally sought solace and understanding within a place like NGBO. We came together and exhausted every possible interpretation we could think of as to what this game is. We started doing the homework, building our best ideas and challenged simplistic notions. This collaboration via learning to definitively seek truth as a group is the point of the Ruse Cruise and serves as the antithesis of MGS2's outlook. Now if you are Kojima, what would build this muscle the best within your fans?
  1. Create a conspiracy, reveal its truth, and reward fans for their hardcore vigilance
  2. Fabricate all the necessary parts for the facade of a conspiracy yet deliberately having none to force fans through the emotional ringer of figuring out what is true. A gaslighting job.
For me, I settled on it being the latter which truly pushed me as to what was healthy, valid, and useful to believe in. The meaning and wisdom from this game was transmitted/felt for me once I "exited" and realized the insanity I let myself believe. In this interpretation, we serve as art form to others - showing what happens when a fanbase loses its collective mind and pieces it back together again.
Now, why would anyone want to encourage this group behavior? Marshall McLuhan has another nifty quote that points us in the right direction with this:
"World War III is a guerrilla information war with no division between military and civilian participation."
There's this running joke within the ChapoTrapHouse fan community (not a fan, I just observe where metal gear gets talked about) that life is beginning to resemble a Metal Gear game. Biologically genetically altered dystopia, check. Insider leaks of grand governmental conspiracies, check. Zany political characters seizing power, check.
Metal Gear Solid V's Ruse cruise was a simulation for a reality that's to come/is here like how MGS2 was a simulation for MGS1. We know we are lied to by authorities and we know the internet is a mess at being an alternative. Thus, Chaos. For Kojima, my guess is that he wanted to kickstart a version of grassroots behavior that will be important in combatting this "truth recession," because telling us via MGS1-4 doesn't seem to work in changing people's behavior, we have to actually crash and burn in doing it. WW3 is here, we got a slice of training.

Thanks For the Read :)
Also,
(my edgiest take is that I think he's embodying his own vision from MGSV. Kojima is Ahab/Venom for Death Stranding's development).
submitted by badco37 to NeverBeGameOver [link] [comments]

[DIPLOMACY] One Last Chance to Avoid Destruction

Our Best and Final Offer to the Separatists
November 1st, 2031
With the liberation of Crimea, the complete withdrawal of all Russian troops and support, and the military build-up occurring on their doorstep, we are reaching out to the separatists through the peace hotline to notify them that Kyiv is making one last attempt at securing an end to the war without any more violence.
We will present our final peace offer with our best possible terms (in light of the current situation), and this offer is being presented on a "take it or leave it" basis. If no deal is reached here to end the war and reintegrate the separatist pseudo-state, then Kyiv sees no alternative than to end the war through military means. A war that the separatists have absolutely no hope of winning, and a war that no one will shield them from or fight on their behalf.
Kyiv's terms are the following:
  1. There will be an immediate and full ceasefire between government and separatist forces. Observers from the Organization for Security and Co-operation in Europe will monitor this ceasefire as they have done in the past.
  2. "The Workers' and Peasants' Armed Forces", the "People's Commissariat of Internal Affairs", and any other paramilitaries, mercenaries, policing forces, or armed groups will surrender in their entirety to the Armed Forces of Ukraine and will relinquish all of their weapons, munitions, vehicles, and other means of waging war in a process of complete disarmament.
  3. Safe and effective delivery of humanitarian aid to separatist-controlled territory will be allowed for, and will not be interfered with under pain of criminal prosecution.
  4. The executive branch of the government of the "United People's Soviet Republic" and the following persons in particular will be taken into custody by the Armed Forces of Ukraine. These persons are: Vadim Zaibert, Vladislav Surkov, Alexander Borodai, and Vladimir Kononov.
  5. All records and files in all formats belonging to the separatist government (including the executive and the legislature), the courts, the Communist Party of Donbass, "The Workers' and Peasants' Armed Forces", and the "People's Commissariat of Internal Affairs" will be turned over to the Armed Forces of Ukraine, completely intact.
  6. The Communist Party of Donbass will be dissolved, banned from re-forming, and the executive body of the party will be taken into custody by the Armed Forces of Ukraine.
  7. The "United People's Soviet Republic" and all of its institutions will be dissolved. The territory formerly under its control in the Donetsk and Luhansk oblasts will be fully reintegrated with Ukraine proper and placed back under the control of the legitimate central and regional governments. New elections to fill the empty seats on the oblast councils which represent said territory will be held within 60 days of this reintegration occurring.
  8. All persons held by the "United People's Soviet Republic" as prisoners and hostages will be turned over to the Armed Forces of Ukraine. All judgements rendered and sentences handed down by the separatists' courts shall be declared null and void, with the exception being persons legitimately accused of serious crimes such as homicide and sexual assault. Their cases will be investigated and if necessary re-tried in a legitimate Ukrainian court.
  9. All known war criminals and those suspected of committing war crimes will be taken into custody by the Armed Forces of Ukraine and brought before a legitimate Ukrainian court. This will also apply to all officially wanted persons who may be residing in separatist-controlled territory.
  10. All persons involved in the shoot-down of Malaysia Airlines Flight 17 on 17 July 2014, and its subsequent cover-up, and all evidence of every kind pertaining to these events will be turned over to the Armed Forces of Ukraine.
  11. The radio stations "United People's Radio" and "Donetsk Radio" will be shut down, and transmission of all state propaganda will cease.
  12. The "Novorussian Bitcoin Exchange" will be shut down, as well as other illegitimate financial institutions. The assets contained within them and all other financial assets/capital of the "United People's Soviet Republic" and the individuals exempt from the general amnesty underlined in Article 16 will be seized by the Ukrainian government.
  13. All foreign military advisors and trainers, such as those from North Korea, will be taken into custody, declared persona non grata, and will be deported from Ukraine.
  14. All illegitimate foreign embassies will be closed. All foreign diplomatic staff at these embassies will be taken into custody, declared persona non grata, and will be deported from Ukraine. This includes the embassies of Vietnam, Nicaragua, Venezuela, North Korea, Russia, "South Ossetia", "Abkhazia", Paraguay, Laos, and Cambodia.
  15. Once all the other articles have been met/fulfilled, Ukraine will pursue constitutional reform along the lines of decentralization and devolution of powers to regional governments, which will take into account the over-centralization of the state and the differing needs, cultures, and political interests of Ukraine's various regions. The possibility of granting autonomy to the Donetsk and Luhansk oblasts, with the Autonomous Republic of Crimea as a model, will be subject to parliamentary debate and a feasibility study. Input from local residents on the future of their regions will be sought after.
  16. Once Articles 1 through 14 have been met/fulfilled, a general amnesty will be granted with some exceptions. This offer of amnesty will be extended to foreign nationals who are eligible, with one exception: while they will not be prosecuted, they will be deported from Ukraine and possibly subjected to a lifetime ban on re-entering the country. The exceptions for the general amnesty are:
  • Vadim Zaibert, Vladislav Surkov, Alexander Borodai, Vladimir Kononov
  • The executive branch of the separatist government.
  • The executive body of the Communist Party of Donbass
  • War criminals
  • Persons listed as wanted by the state
  • All persons involved in the shoot-down of Malaysia Airlines Flight 17 on 17 July 2014, and its subsequent cover-up
  • Persons legitimately accused of serious crimes such as homicide and sexual assault
  • The leadership of the "The Workers' and Peasants' Armed Forces" and the "People's Commissariat of Internal Affairs"
[M] Edited Article 12 because I forgot one very important part regarding the seizure of financial assets and capital.
submitted by GrizzleTheBear to GlobalPowers [link] [comments]

I might be the real American Psycho

So I’m just going to leave my life’s story here for everyone. I might need serious help, I’m not sure.
Lately I’ve been having something happen that concerns me where I mutter stuff out of nowhere, like I say things I didn’t mean to say. It never happens when I’m around people, only when I’m alone and I can stop if I catch myself. The stuff I say is usually weird and bad. Some specific stuff: “N-word” (And I’m not racist or anything), “Stupid, idiot. I could kill him.” “I hate him/I hate it.”,”I love you”, “I could I would. I could and I will.“, and (this is actually real) I say stuff like “slice, dice, chop, tear” a lot. There are no conscious streams of thought connecting to these words. I don’t know why I say them.
Another thing that’s been more recent is some particularly violent dreams. One where I basically kept tearing someone’s head off, it regrowing so I could do it again, and screaming at them because they had been trying to push me around. Another time I just kind of shot down a bunch of people who were ninjas or something, but I remember specifically in the dream they were supposed to be “good guys” and I just wanted to kill them. The most disturbing one, which I woke up from immediately because it was so disgusting, was where my youngest brother (Who I love and am proud of to put it out there) slipped on the sidewalk, and when I went to pick him up I asked if he was alright he said “No.” in a very vivid about-to-cry way and I was horrified to see that his entire face was embedded deeply with staples. The dream was so realistic and gory. I immediately started to freak out and tried to help him pull the staples out but then I woke up with one of those really scared “What the fuck was that” feelings. This is a recent thing that is pretty infrequent. And at first it was crazy to me because my first thought was: I’m not violent. I don’t fight people. I don’t want to fight anyone. I don’t want to kill anybody. But I started analyzing myself a bit more and I realized I may have been putting off, basically my whole life, some pretty fucked up stuff that’s happened to me and that I’ve done to other people.
So I guess I’ll start with where I am now and then go backward. Currently I consider myself well-adjusted. I just graduated college with a degree in Finance, I have IT experience in the reserves, and I’m staying with some family in the city (I grew up in a small town) working part time stocking shelves while I look for something full time in finance/IT. I have some good friends, but none who live near me right now and none who I would open up to about this sort of thing. I’ve had one girlfriend a year ago (More on that later.) But other than that I don’t do very good with girls, I don’t have a girlfriend right now. I spend a LOT of time by myself. In college I was the same way. I used to get very lonely, every once in awhile I still do, but for the most part I’m fine with it. I spend a lot of time learning, at least recently. Now that I’m older suddenly I found out I have more ability to concentrate on things and absorb info. Since I’m out of college I have more time to learn whatever I enjoy, so for the first time I feel like I’m some sort of superhuman hopping across Wikipedia pages and tutorials. I like computer science, finance/economics, history, current events, anatomy and physiology, and whatever other subjects I stumble across. Now the unnormal stuff: Up until now I’ve liked to pretend this stuff just isn’t a part of me. I completely ignore it. So I work out a lot, which is something that I feel like really helps my emotional health over all. I work out roughly 2 hours a day 6 days a week, and I’m very proud of how I look and feel now. I started working out in high school because I got picked on and was rejected by girls, so at first it was really hate and envy that motivated me. I don’t necessarily feel that way now, but everytime I workout its still the same: I fantasize about a bonfire, or a party where there is a group of people from high school or college (Never the army, because I actually like people in the reserves and feel like I belong there.) And I take on and fight the biggest douchebag or multiple douchebags from whichever place and I just like stand there in my awesomeness. Sometimes It’s just that, sometimes I’m also rich and I have a “posse” or bodyguards who I don’t need. Sometimes I monologue basically about how I got to where I was and how the things I had overcome. Narcissistic and ridiculous I know. Like I said before, even though this scenario runs through my head at least 2 hours a day six days a week I just pretend like that’s normal. And if I don’t run that sort of fantasy through my head I can’t work out as effectively.
The other thing is sexual. WARNING - NSFW ….. So when I had a girlfriend for a few months I’d have sex and it was fine. Normal sex, the weirdest we’d ever do is tie each other’s hands. She liked being spanked. So that was normal, and for the most part the relationship was normal. But for as long as a I can remember, even in high school, the only way I can orgasm when masturbating is through BDSM porn. Usually pretty intense stuff. I don’t like blood or cuts, but I like seeing physical pain. Usually a woman dominating a man. Over time it’s gotten darker. When I stop I just go about my life and I act normal, but now that I think about it it’s pretty odd to orgasm to the sounds of people screaming in pain. This has become normal for me. So when I at first thought “I don’t want to hurt anybody, what’s going on?” I started to analyze and realize “Oh, yeah. That stuff.”
So how did it get this way? I guess I’ll go back to childhood. I was homeschooled until sixth grade. 5th/6th grade are I think when problems started at home. My dad was a serious alcoholic. He still is but he’s at least mellow. Back then he wasn’t. Some examples: 8th grade summer: This is the only time he ever hit me when I was being kind of shitty because I didn’t want to go dig a fucking ditch to find a leaking pipe. For context: We had all been digging that stupid ditch for days and couldn’t find anything. I knew he didn’t know what he was doing and the pipe probably wasn’t even on that side of the house. We never found that pipe but I wound up digging that ditch again. He was drunk midday, smacked me across the face. I cried and tried to kind of get at him and yelled “I’ll kill you. I hate you” and he just kind of forced me back in the chair and I think he realized he went too far, but he just said “You’re not big enough or strong enough yet.” …fuck that kind of explains a lot. I’m kind of starting to cry while I write this.
Another time he showed up to one of my cross country meets, I think 9th grade, totally drunk out of his mind. Another time he hit my mom and she being an idiot made him drive us to church on a Wednesday night so she could have “couple’s therapy” and her jaw hurt so she claimed she couldn’t drive. He was drunk Mom. He was drunk. We were swerving all over across the road there were cars beeping at us going the wrong way, they were screaming at each other, my little brothers were in front of me crying and I just was in the very back seat trying to meditate or something. I just tried to stay calm. I feel like I was the only one in the car that realized what mortal peril we were in and I guess I was getting ready to die or something. The next morning, like every time something like that happened, we all pretended like it didn’t. Last one: One time he was wasted in the middle of the day. I was just in the bathroom on the toilet. He tried the knob and saw it was locked and a split second later he kicked the door in so hard it flew against the opposite wall so I was just sitting on the toilet freaked out. He just muttered “Oh thought it was locked.” I was shaking. Like what the fuck. I actually did keep a knife under my mattress at one point, to prepare for something crazy like that. Now my relationship with my dad now is pretty mellow, but we never really came to terms with any of that stuff. We act like it never happened. He won’t even admit he did most of it. In my family we do very poorly with emotions. My brothers and I are very close for instance but we can’t say I love you to one another. I have a hard time saying it to anyone but my Mom.
So I went into public school in 6th grade because my dad was first starting to get worse and my mom and him would fight all the time, very loudly, and divorce was on the table (But it never happened…they’ve just slept in a separate room all this time) and my mom felt like she didn’t have the energy to homeschool anymore. So I went into school with absolutely no social skills at all. I was a stand out weirdo and I remember for stuff like gym class I would literally just stand there. I had no confidence. I couldn’t muster whatever it took to try to catch the ball, and I always felt like there was so much pressure to try to impressed the other kids and be good. So they weren’t very impressed by me. I walked around with my arms folded behind my back for some reason. I didn’t really understand the social suicide I was committing. I’d say the next six years were just a really slow stumbling through trying to understand other humans and particularly the kids my age.
In 7th grade my Mom started to just “check out.” Because her mom died who she had had serious unresolved issues with. So she went into a really depressed state for a couple years, and I think that made things harder. In 9th grade there was a girl I became obsessed with. We had been friends awhile, so I let her know I had feelings for her. She had a boyfriend who was VERY important to her at the time. So that whole cliché played out, except for the part where I mercilessly ripped into her via SMS, calling her every name in the book and taunting her, then asked for forgiveness, then did it again, eventually admitted my BDSM fantasies to her even though she really didn’t want to hear it, stalked her, grabbed her butt without her permission, came to her house uninvited only not to be let in, etc.
And I had an unrequited psychotic obsession with her pretty much through all of high school. But for the last two years of high school she had stopped responding to me at all. So I look back on that and I feel pretty terrible. And I know if she wanted to report me to the police she could have ruined my life entirely, but for some reason she never did, so that makes me feel double shitty.
But that didn’t stop me from about eight other counts of butt/boob grabbing, verbal assault, and uncomfortable pressuring of other girls that wanted nothing to do with me. One was a teacher. For whatever reason nobody ever reported me. By tenth grade I had gotten good enough at pretending to be a good kid that everyone seemed to think I was. I guess.
So I never really though anything of any of that until my National Guard active training, where we had SHARP briefings on sexual harassment and stuff. And everyone makes fun of those briefings because we see them so often but they really played on something in the pit of my stomach that told me: “You’ve actually put girls into those positions. You’ve done awful stuff.”
So yeah. After that I went to college. I didn’t really like college anymore than high school. I thought the other people were stupid. I came to study finance because I was passionate about it, I watched college lectures on Corporate Finance in 9th grade ffs, so the other kids there who didn’t seem to know why they were there just didn’t impress me. So I spent a lot of time in my dorm room alone. There were entire weeks where I didn’t speak to anyone. At one point I met a cute girl, we’ll call her Karen. Karen was very sweet, Karen was a passionate libertarian, thinker, and studied economics. I met her at at an economics association meeting. She basically at one point obliterated an argument I was making so I immediately thought “I want here number.” I got it and we hit it off. It was the first time I had a very wholesome reciprocated friendship with a girl. Karen was smart but a little naïve, and came from a good home. I think the song “Uptown Girl” could be her theme song. Unfortunately, a friendship was all it was, because Karen had a boyfriend in her hometown in another state. And he was VERY important to her at the time. But she didn’t have any other friends same as me, so we hung out a lot. Like a lot, a lot. We went on walks, lunch dates, dinner dates, whatever. We really clicked. But then my feelings kept growing for her and it felt like a repeat of high school. She reciprocated some of those feelings, but it was still all about the boy back home. I knew how to control myself better by then but it was rough. I didn’t want to lose this valuable friend but I was also extremely attracted to her, and she kept putting me in that position because she was lonely too.
Eventually the bad thing happened. I decided I was being played for a bitch. I couldn’t accept this insult to my pride. So I figured I’d take what I wanted the way I always had, but this time it wouldn’t be just a cheap thrill. We were in her dorm room and we were talking and I forced myself on her. It started with an attempt at a kiss, she resisted, so I basically just started to force her against me. She resisted lightly but didn’t say anything. But that was it, I couldn’t go through with what I was planning to do. So I let go and we had a really long awkward silence staring at each other across the room. It was weird because this was the first time a girl I tried to do something like this to actually liked me in some way so I could tell it was scary and confusing for her, and it actually was for me too. I think she knew what I almost did. I can’t remember how I left, but later we texted, made up, and pretty shortly after became friends again, and I just went along with it and didn’t try anything again after that. So that was also weird. I still had feelings for her, and I don’t know how it would have turned out but at some point she dropped out of school to go home. She hadn’t told me until the day she was leaving, which was a shock to me. I guess she was embarrassed. So I offered one more long walk and we did, and it was a really good time. I felt like I was being mature, doing everything right for once. And we hugged before she left and she said “I’ll see you” and I just said “You won’t. You’re leaving.” And she had this kind of weird look and so far I’ve never seen her again. I tried texting her once asking if she would want to meet up again sometime, but she cited her boyfriend and said she couldn’t do that. I didn’t reply, just deleted the number immediately and never found her again.
When I had my first real girlfriend it lasted four months, and was a relatively normal relationship, I mean any actual relationship would seem normal relative to my sexually-tense friend zone. I met her in my national guard unit, but she was also a 29 year old stripper with 2 kids. I had frequented strip clubs and wasn’t afraid to date a stripper. Started casual then got more serious. But she turned out to be batshit insane. Compulsive liar…the lies aren’t even worth getting into they were just pointless. Stuff she made up to get attention, and I believed most of them. So she played me like a fiddle and I dumped her when she went on a trip to San Diego without me. Later she tried to claim she was pregnant and just made the whole thing uglier and stupider than it needed to be, but the whole relationship experience was pretty meh in general.
So now I am where I am. I think I covered a lot of the important points. I’m not sure if I should be concerned or not. I think I’ve just been repressing everything for a very long time, at least since I stopped venting my anger by harassing women. I don’t express emotions usually, everything just rolls off my shoulders for the most part. A few times I just get randomly sad, especially when I’m drunk but it does happen when I’m sober: I’ll just go through fits of crying. Not for any reason. Like, it could be a perfectly normal day and then at night I’ll cry until I fall asleep. It doesn’t happen often, and when it does I just wake up the next morning like it didn’t happen at all. When people reach out to me for empathy I don’t have a response. When my Mom is crying to me about something I feel bad because I want to offer more support but I just feel incapable of it. I wouldn’t call myself “dead inside” because I have plenty of interest in the world around me and I’m not that bad with people anymore, but when it comes to genuine connections I’m pretty lost. I am very alone with my thoughts and feelings most of the time. I have some reddit forums I go to where I like the communities and I feel like a have a strong voice there, but not anywhere in real life. Really all I look forward to though is someday being extremely affluent and powerful, and just kind of rubbing in everyone’s face how great I am. Like some grand revenge on all the people who thought I was just some loser they could push around. If I let go of that fantasy I wouldn’t have much in life to be proud of, or much reason to get up in the morning. I try to learn and grow every day and keep myself focused which sounds really nice, but really it’s just because I have delusions of dominating people with power attained through knowledge. I always think it would be nice to live a modest life with a family, and sometimes I think about meeting a girl I actually like and respect like Karen but I haven’t met another one yet, and I feel pretty inhuman most of the time. Like I’ll have to put on a mask and pretend to be someone else to meet a Karen again, and maybe I’m too far gone to be happy that way. So I don’t think about relationships as much as I used too. I’ve partly given up. I feel completely fine each day, and feel like I’m building towards something, getting better all the time, but for all the wrong reasons. The only period in my life where I started to wake up to the idea that I needed a better philosophy was pretty recently at the tail end of college. So my whole life through the military and different internships I would save roughly 75% of the money I made (I also made a small profit going to college off full merit scholarship + military aid.) So I had, I think about $17,000 after a couple of years of playing the stock market and doing pretty well. I started looking into cryptocurrency and didn’t think too much of Bitcoin but got super into learning about Ethereum which uses the blockchain concept for a decentralized virtual machine, which turns out is kind of a really powerful thing. So in mid 2017 I shifted everything I had into Ethereum plus a couple other crypto platforms I thought had potential. I wound up making over $75,000 in the big crypto bubble. But I only ever cashed out $6000 to reward myself because I genuinely believed (and still do) that what I had invested in has a long way to go still. So, the market crashed and I now have lost all profits with some extra money to boot. My portfolio is only about $10,000 altogether now, not including my IRA which I never count because I wouldn’t touch it. So a few months ago I had gotten very depressed about that whole ordeal, and wasn’t sure what to do. I started meditating and just getting out of my own head more, going for walks without the fantasies. I kind of accepted my own mortality, the fact I might not ever achieve the things I want to, and humbled myself. It worked for a while but it didn’t stick. Now I feel fine about the whole thing, I’ve accepted the volatility of the market and I love keeping up on the new things happening in the field every day. But whether I someday have a really well paying career or start an amazing business or get rich on investments, which are all things I feel are totally possible it doesn’t really answer the question of what the hell I’m supposed to do with my funked up emotional well being. When I came here to write this I felt like I might be in danger of being the next big school shooter, but now I think I might be ok. I just wish I could connect with people IRL and I think maybe all the hate and anger would start to go away.
This brain dump was really therapeutic though.
submitted by the_cakes_not_a_lie to mentalhealth [link] [comments]

[uncensored-r/Bitcoin] ?? $4mil will fund MDMA trials for PTSD; marked 'Breakthrough Therapy' by FDA. Pineapple Fund is ...

The following post by PineappleFund is being replicated because some comments within the post(but not the post itself) have been silently removed.
The original post can be found(in censored form) at this link:
np.reddit.com/ Bitcoin/comments/7pg1rh
The original post's content was as follows:
Hi /Bitcoin!
You might've heard of PTSD. It's a debilitating illness usually affecting people who are already victims, like sexual assault survivors who still suffer and are tormented every day since. Not only do they experience traumatic flashbacks, even sleep is no relief thanks to serious nightmares. It is life threatening.
Existing treatment for PTSD aren't great. Therapy can be helpful, but they're often not enough, especially for severe PTSD. There are only two drugs approved by the FDA: SSRIs like Zoloft and Paxil. Those drugs must be taken continuously, and can cause serious side effects. Mania, seizures, inability to orgasm, and suicide are known side effects.
In 1986, a nonprofit named MAPS was started to develop legal contexts for beneficial uses of psychedelics and marijuana. 31 years later, MAPS has found its most promising candidate yet: MDMA-assisted psychotherapy as a treatment for PTSD.

The numbers: 68% (MDMA) versus 25% (placebo)

They've already conducted Phase 2 studies in the US, Canada, Israel, and Switzerland. After a comprehensive therapeutic process involving preparatory sessions, MDMA-assisted therapy sessions, and non-drug therapy sessions, 61% no longer met the criteria for PTSD. This improved to 68% after a year. Of those who met the criteria, many experienced significant reductions in symptoms. This is compared to only 25% for the placebo group, who received all the therapy, but with a sugar pill instead of MDMA.
For most people, the benefits are lasting. MAPS conducted one long-term outcome study, evaluating patients ~3.5 years after the last MDMA-assisted sessions. Average benefits even increased slightly over time.
"The MDMA sessions were the first time I'd ever felt love for myself. It was the first time I'd ever felt happy. I hugged my therapist and said 'Thank you.'"
After MAPS' studies, the FDA granted 'Breakthrough Therapy Designation' to MDMA-assisted psychotherapy.
Now they need to conduct Phase 3 trials, which are far costlier due to requirements for an increased sample size, groups, etc, even through the stage with highest failure rates (Phase 2) is already over. MAPS has achieved the extra-ordinary journey of bringing MDMA-assisted psychotherapy all the way to Phase 3; a drug that pharmas will never touch because it will disrupt their recurring revenue streams of SSRIs.

Phase 3

Phase 3 will cost about $25 million. They've raised $17 million already ($1 mil from PF included), and need another $8 million to get to the finish line.
I have never donated to MAPS (or even heard of them) before starting the Pineapple Fund. PF donated $1 million, and that inspired another anonymous donator to give another $1 million in bitcoin. To whoever you are, you're amazing, and you are inspiring. <3
I believe we, the cryptocurrency community, can fully fund Phase 3 trials. Prescription MDMA could be a gift to this world from the bitcoin community.
If the trial succeeds, it could be approved as early as 2021. MAPS has created a public benefit corporation, fully owned by the non-profit, that would sell MDMA post-approval. This is a scalable and financially sustainable structure that could kickstart a renaissance in research into the therapeutic applications of many different psychedelics.
Pineapple Fund will double the value of every donation to MAPS from today until March 10th, up to $4 million.
You can donate with bitcoin. It's like donating bitcoin for $30,000 each!
http://www.maps.org/donate-redirect/cryptocurrency
https://blockchain.info/address/1MnCMV9DyVdDZWMfjymbLDKv48UKhoXHEz
You can also donate with legacy payment systems like credit cards or PayPal, and PF will also match that donation.
Your donations are tax deductible (if you're a US taxpayer), and you don't even have to pay capital gains tax. Ask for a receipt if so.
Let's make MDMA medicine a reality, and give the gift of an enjoyable life to those suffering from PTSD. If you believe that psychedelic drugs can have incredible therapeutic potential, then I believe this is one of the highest impact projects today.
And let's do it with cryptocurrency :)
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Sexual assault: Uganda's women fight - YouTube Dating and Loving a Sexual Assault Survivor - YouTube When Is Sexual Harassment a Crime? Egyptians Demand Justice for Victims of Sexual Assault Anonymous Comes to Town: The hackers who took on high ...

Former Bitcoin Core developer Peter Todd has settled his defamation lawsuit against fellow privacy-tech expert Isis Lovecruft, ... After he sued Lovecruft for defamation, two anonymous women detailed accounts of sexual assault by Todd in court filings. On July 15, 2019, Lovecruft filed an anti-SLAPP motion, asking the court to dismiss Todd’s lawsuit as an attempt to curtail free speech. On ... A new use case is emerging for cryptocurrency: helping women who’ve suffered sexual harassment or assault gain financial independence while also protecting their privacy. Case in point, a sexual assault survivor used the crypto-powered payment processor Seeds to crowdfund $500 in September after the trauma left her unable to work for several months. Had she… Early bitcoin core developer Peter Todd is fighting for his reputation. Todd, a Canadian who started contributing to bitcoin’s code in 2012, revealed on Twitter that he has filed a lawsuit against someone in the community who allegedly accused him of rape and sexual assault, also on Twitter. Todd vehemently denies the accusations. According to the defamation complaint, which was filed in a ... About 14,700 complaints alleging sexual and physical abuse were lodged against ICE between 2010 and 2016, according to federal data obtained by the advocacy group Freedom for Immigrants. The group found that only a small fraction were investigated by the Office of Inspector General. When many think of blockchain, they think of cryptocurrencies. But as one of the most exciting new fields of emerging technology, there’s an incredibly wide array of use cases for blockchain — as well as many empty promises and scams. When it comes to combating the age-old problem of how to prevent sexual assault, it’s […]

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Sexual assault: Uganda's women fight - YouTube

This video is an another awareness video. This particular video focuses on sexual assault and the impact of this social problem on different people. Although... A grass-roots campaign has started in Uganda against the increasing numbers of sexual assaults on women. According to one rights group, 90 percent of Ugandan... Police in Southern California are looking for a male suspect who attacked a woman outside a bar in Santa Ana This video is unavailable. Watch Queue Queue Egyptians Demand Justice for Victims of Sexual Assault VOA News. Loading... Unsubscribe from VOA News? ... High-Profile Twitter Accounts Hacked in Bitcoin Scam - Duration: 0:42. VOA News 490 views ...

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